Year 32 – I’ve grown a lot.

I had my birthday a couple weeks ago. I turned 32. The 30’s have not been easy. We did buy our first house shortly before I turned 31. But other than that, the 30’s have been rough! I won’t go into too much detail, but it’s been rough. And with being a surrogate a second and final time, this pregnancy has been rough. With having to take it easy and be on light duty, which if you know me is hard to do. I like doing nothing, but I also like being busy and getting things done.

I wasn’t sure that I was going to make a blog post regarding my birthday and turning a year older. I’m not exactly an exciting person! 😛

You know you have this vision, this dream of what you want to have accomplished by the time you turn 25, 30, etc…how many of us really accomplish those goals and dreams? If we had money, maybe. But not everyone is able to be rich. Yes, with time and work, that can happen. (Or being famous and basically blowing all the money on a mansion when they are probably hardly even there and having multiple homes in multiple countries.)….But again, that takes a lot of time and if you have a family, you don’t want to miss out on everything with them…so some, if not all, of those dreams get put on the back burner. Which some of them could include your family. But it’s hard to save money when everything changes all the time – prices go up, things get harder, so you have to work more or even get more than one job and then you still miss out on all that family time..plus childcare, which costs an arm and leg, and they barely pay the childcare workers hardly anything. Trust me, I know. I’ve worked in more than one childcare facility. They hardly pay anything, and yet charge the parents a ton for each child to be there. Does that make sense? Not really. Not to me anyway. But anyway, that’s not the point to this blog post! Sorry, went off the train track there! Nothing new for me though!

Something that I have learned in my 30’s already – is to have boundaries and to be firm with them. Not in a mean way, but just be firm in them. I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before, but I’ve been caring less and less about what people think of me. Besides my husband and my kids, of course. And when others get mad at me for telling them no about certain things, and make me the bad guy – I honestly don’t care anymore. If that’s what they need to do to make themselves feel better, than it’s whatever. But when it comes to my family (as in, my husband and my kids) – I am going to be firm in our life regarding boundaries that we have previously set, but are now being more firm in them, because I’m tired of being the “too nice” person that people know that they can take advantage of. I’m still going to be nice, but I’m also going to be firm in the boundaries that we have set for certain things. And again, I’m the bad guy for that, because I’m done letting people take advantage of me.

I feel very unseen to some people in my life. I don’t want to say certain things because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or offend anyone who may know people that I’m talking about or whatever it may be. Which is usually multiple people, not any one specific, depending on what it is, I guess. I may be done being the “too nice” person to say no to certain things, but I can still not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Because some things would be too easy to figure out.

I’m tired of being compared to other people, such as “so-and-so wants us to do this, why don’t you?” I’m tired of being guilt-tripped into things. We are own people, our own family. It’s hard to do that when everyone is telling you that you should do certain things because other people do. We are not those people. I know certain people don’t read my blogs, I believe it’s mostly people that I don’t even know. Which is sad and hard when it’s more ‘strangers’ that support than your family and/or extended family. Whether it’s on social media or not. I try to be a positive and optimistic person, but ever since my previous job and some people saying things, I’ve changed just a little. Not in a bad way, but being more present with my family and making memories with my family and being firm in our boundaries when we weren’t very firm before. But sometimes, you’ve just had enough and can’t stand it anymore. And even then, when you are firm in those boundaries, you can tell that those people are not happy with you and may or may not be able to tell certain things. But then again, probably not. Because they haven’t really seen me in a long time. So when I actually start being firm in what I say, it may surprise them. And that’s okay. I’m fine with that. I have grown the last few years and I’m tired of being seen as someone who will do what everyone else wants, just to make them happy. My family comes first. My husband (and me) and my kids.

I’m not trying to be a “Debbie downer” about all of this, or want everyone to think that they can’t talk to me or approach me or anything, I’m still going to be that friend that anyone can go to if they need someone to talk to. But if you talk to me only because you want or need something – I’m sorry not sorry. I know some people won’t like that, but I’m tired of being walked on and taken advantage of. I’m strong, but no one has been able to see it. And if you do read this and think I’m talking about you, then you may feel guilty about something whether it concerns me or someone else. Or you may not feel guilty and be completely oblivious about it all. It’s not exactly pointed towards anyone specific, I’m just tired of so many people through out my life taking advantage of me and my “niceness” and “sweetness”. Like I said earlier, I’m still going to be that nice and sweet person, but I’m done being taken advantage of and guilt-tripped into doing things just because someone else does it.

Anyway, if you did read this far without getting offended, thank you for reading! Until next time! I also meant to post this a couple weeks ago during my birthday week, but things got crazy, and was debating on whether to post or even write some of these things, because everyone gets offended by anything these days. Especially when it comes from someone who is usually so sweet and doesn’t tell you “no” to certain things, like me. I used to want to be liked/loved by everyone, but right now, I just care about my family liking/loving me. (hope that doesn’t sound too rude and conceited haha)!

Ta ta for now!

The Unexpected Reality of Surrogacy

I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not, I was going to share more on my journey of surrogacy this time around. Because it has been very different than my first surrogacy journey. Quite the opposite, actually.

My first journey was a little rocky at first, but just that it was my first one and it was their first one and it was all new to both sides. But once we got a bit further into it, a beautiful relationship with the couple and the family bloomed. I’ve even gone to visit them at their home a couple months after the baby’s first birthday. It was really nice.

This second journey, I highly doubt anything like that will happen. 1) We don’t have much of a relationship with the couple outside of the doctors appointments. and 2) even though we put in our profile, that we wanted a relationship with the couple, and they even “supposedly” said the same thing in the “match meeting”, they changed that later on. They even said “I don’t think we will be in contact much after the baby is born. We ‘might’ send a picture here and there, but we don’t know.” Which would’ve been fine, if they had just admitted that in the match meeting, but then they probably wouldn’t have “matched” with them and I probably wouldn’t be in the situation that I’m in, with my cervix and all that. It’s possible I may still be, but we’ll never know now.

But anyway, with all that my husband and I have been through the last few weeks with the pregnancy, I thought “even though it’s not how I would’ve wanted it to go, maybe this will help the parents realize and appreciate us a little more with everything that is happening and what we are having to go through so that they can have their baby…” Because they have not contacted me first at all, even just to check in or ask for a bump update or anything. It’s been all through the agency and very business-like. I thought that it may get better as we got further along in the pregnancy and then this happened and I still thought it may help in that way, but no. Not really. We still only talk through email, which the agency is CC’d on all the emails. There’s nothing personal. Which is basically the complete opposite of what was put in our profile. So that has been a bit hard on me.

Also, the first trimester this time around was super rough for me. I didn’t have morning sickness, but I was very nauseous, without the throwing up. Which may be worse sometimes. I think I’d rather throw up than not, in that case. The only contact I had with the parents was, again through email and I told them how hard it has been and that it felt like I had no support from them and even the “match coordinator”…and guess what? Nothing changed. All they said was “I’m sorry…” and that was basically it. So that first trimester, I was honestly kinda pretty depressed because of all that. The parents even said that they didn’t want bump pics because we’d have our video calls and they could see it then, if they wanted. But you know what happened? They never once asked to see the bump even on the video calls. Everything has felt very transactional, very business-like. And that is why some people don’t agree with surrogacy. Which if that whole thing is talked about at the beginning, and not what the other side wants to hear just to “match” with you and then change it and be “honest” about it after and when the pregnancy is confirmed and it’s too late to change anything…if it was talked about in all honesty at the beginning, it would’ve been fine. We probably wouldn’t have agreed to match with them if that had been the case though. And they probably knew that, and why they said what they did.

But since this is my last surrogacy and pregnancy, maybe God did it that way, to help it be easier on me knowing it is my last one and that way it won’t be so hard on me, mentally and emotionally. I don’t know. But still not what I would’ve wanted for my last pregnancy, to feel like this and to be going through all this, when it’s not even my own baby. But I guess, in a way, it’s what I signed up for. I just never had any of these “health” issues with any of the other pregnancies. So I guess I’m ending my last pregnancy journey with a bang! 😛

The parents have said that they appreciate me and everything, but that’s all they’ve done. They still don’t text me first, they don’t ask for any updates, especially right now with all that’s going on. They haven’t asked how I’m doing. Which may sound selfish, but I feel like if it were me on the other side of this, as the parent of the baby that I couldn’t carry myself, I would be texting that person and checking on them especially during something like this. But again, that’s just me. I know I may be a bit extra on that, but I feel like most parents would be like that. Am I wrong? I don’t know. I know surrogacy is a different thing, and it’s not talked about a lot, but yeah, I don’t know.

I know the cervix and the placenta isn’t something that we can control, but it’s been hard on me, because now I’m limited on what I can do and where I can, travel-wise. And it’s bummed me out, a lot.

I still love surrogacy, because I did have a great first journey and I still talk to the family and they send me pictures and videos of the little guy as he’s growing! They even send me pictures of the other two children they had, through surrogacy. And I will forever cherish that and that relationship. This one, I will have memories, just not quite the best kind of memories. It’s not fun feeling like I’m just being used to carry a baby for them. If I’d known this was how it was going to be and feel, I definitely wouldn’t have agreed to the match. But again, they weren’t completely honest with us, and it’s too late now. As long as they are good parents to the child, which we will probably never know, as they probably won’t be in contact with us, even after all this…as long as they are good parents and will love this child, that is what matters.

Since this is my last pregnancy, and I’ve been trying to still enjoy as much as I can, even though this has been more difficult even before the cervix and placenta problems – it’s still amazing what a woman’s body can do. And that we are able to do it for someone else who is unable, no matter the journey or experience. As I am sitting here on my couch and writing this and my belly is right there and I see the baby moving and kicking me and all the more stretch marks that I’m getting, it’s still amazing to see and know that there is another little human inside me growing. (Let’s just hope she keeps cooking until at least 34 weeks! :-P)

I have definitely shed many many tears this time around. Probably the most of any of my pregnancies, believe it or not! Not just because it’s my last one, but because of everything. Feeling so alone in the first trimester, and then having the cervix and placenta issues in the second trimester, and then probably not being able to travel anywhere in the third trimester because of all of this…so I’m probably not done crying yet for the duration of this pregnancy! But I will be okay. Everything will be okay. And it’s almost my birthday! Just a few more days. What a way to spend my birthday month! Most of it at a drs appointment and/or hospital. It’s been great! Not really!

But anyway, that is my second surrogacy journey up till now. It is now 10:34pm, and I thought I would write since I couldn’t sleep anyway – pregnancy problems! 😛 I guess I may go try again to get some sleep! Until next time! 🙂 Thanks for reading! Hope you have a great night/day (depending on what time you are reading this)!

Behind the Chaos

It all started on Tuesday, September 29, 2026. I was going in for my anatomy scan like normal. Everything with the baby was great and normal. What wasn’t normal – was my cervix and where the placenta was located. The placenta is lying low, almost firmly attached to my uterus and super close to my bladder. My cervix was also very short. It was around the 1.3-1.77. And they would like at least a 2.5, they’d love a 3.0, but would be happy with a 2.5. So they refer me to Maternal Fetal Medicine. My first appt is Thursday, October 1st. My cervix was even shorter, it was around 0.9. So they prescribed Progesterone to help the cervix get stronger and not as short. Which, by the way, in case you didn’t know, a short cervix can cause early delivery and 22-24 weeks is the critical time to catch it and be able to do something about it.

My progesterone hadn’t gotten to my pharmacy yet, so I wasn’t able to get it till the next day, Friday. They had finally gotten it that morning, and so I gave it a few hours and would check on the status, the little auto-voice thing would always say “Still being worked on.” Well, it was around 4:30pm, and my pharmacy closes at 6pm and they aren’t open on the weekends. So I tried calling again. Same thing – “still being worked on.” Well, I kinda really needed the medicine, so I went over there to see if it really was “still being worked on.” So I get there, they say “it will be here Monday.” I was like, “Umm, I need that today. I actually needed it yesterday, but that’s beside the point.” The young girl, probably newer to the pharmacy, I don’t know though. But anyway, she decides to go look, and then says how insurance won’t cover it all and I have to pay X amount of dollars. I was like “I will pay as long as it is actually here.” So she tells me to go sit down while they look. Then another lady comes back, guessing from her break, and she sees me sitting down and asked if she can help me. So I tell her what I need, and she says, “Yeah, we have that.” I did still have to pay, but that’s okay. I was getting the medicine that I needed. My next appt was also on Monday, so I was hoping to have had at least some progress with the medicine by then.

Fast forward to Monday, October 5, 2026. Guess what? Still no progress. So then I was referred to the University Hospital. To when they could see me. Which they were able to get me in the next day. So I am having to drive to Louisville multiple times within a couple weeks and day after day. Which is about an hour drive from where I live. So anyway, I go on Tuesday, and they say that I will need to have a Cervical Cerclage. Which is basically a stitch in my cervix to close it and hopefully prevent early delivery. So after that appointment, they say that they will reach out and try to schedule something for this week or next. Preferably this week. So I looked at the dates and everyone’s work schedule and the kids being on Fall break this week, made it somewhat harder. So we finally got it scheduled for Friday, October 9. And they wanted me to be admitted the day/night before, so also trying to figure that all out with the kids and such. So we figured it out, they didn’t want me there till 8pm the night before, which helped a little bit with timing and such.

If you know me, I like to be early to things. And with driving to Louisville, there’s always traffic and car accidents and such, so we left early in case anything like that were to happen or slow us down, etc. So we get there about 6:40pm, they send us to the waiting room while they figure out where to put me and such. Which that was all a mess, because it was around shift change and they left it all a mess for the night shift. So we were in the waiting room till almost 9pm. They finally got us a room. But then they couldn’t the report from the doctor that said all what needed to be done the night/day before the procedure and such. So that took a couple hours. They finally found it. The person that we had as our nurse didn’t really seem happy to have us there. Because the room they put us in wasn’t the Labor and Delivery area. It was close to it but it wasn’t L&D. And if anything were to happen to me, basically they wouldn’t know what to do.

So anyway, we try to get some sleep, and I also can’t eat or drink anything after midnight, including water. So my last actual meal was probably around 4pm maybe. I’d had some snacks but nothing like an actual meal. I was awake shortly before midnight, so I took a drink of water, since I knew it’d be my last for awhile. And the nurses and techs kept coming in there to do their stuff; vitals, medicine, etc. So I got woken up about every 1-2 hours. Which was great. Not really. But anyway, then I got an MRI done around 5am or so. By the way, do not recommend! Unless you have to, of course. But I’d never gotten one before, and didn’t know how long it would take and such. So it took around 30-45 minutes. And I was sweating. And my head was starting to itch, and I couldn’t scratch it because I couldn’t move. It was miserable. After I was finally finished, the guy asked if I wanted to take the blanket that he’d put over me, with me – I was like, “Yeah, no, thank you!” I was literally sweating. You could see the sweat on my dark brown t-shirt. So yeah, I definitely did not need the blanket! And since October is my birthday month, the MRI tech said “Happy early birthday, by the way!” I was like “yeah, thanks. Just what I want to be doing shortly before my birthday!”

Anyway, so the nurse wheelchair-ed me back to the room, this was a little after 6:30am. Then we woke up about an hour later, the sun started peeking through the “curtains” in the room. So we basically just stayed up after, because we knew a nurse or tech would be coming in their shortly to do something. Sure enough, we were right!

So my procedure was scheduled for 8:30am. Who here, thinks that actually happened? Yeah, probably not very many. They even told us around 8am, that we were still good for 8:30am. We were supposed to have gotten discharged same day as procedure. That didn’t happen either. It was a very long couple of days. So we are waiting and waiting to hear when the procedure is going to start. We met probably 3 doctors who came into the room who introduced themselves, and said “I will be doing your procedure.” And you know what? Neither one of those doctors who came to the room and introduced themselves to me was the doctor that actually did my procedure! Crazy, right?! Anyway, they came in to do the start prep for the procedure, then they got called to go do a c-section first. So they went out and did that. Then about 9:30-10am, one of those 3 doctors came in and said we just got the call to take you for the procedure, so it’ll be about another 30 minutes………

It was NOT another 30 minutes…We didn’t go for the procedure till 2:30pm. They even said that the c-section had gone well with no complications. So why did it take 5-6 hours to get me in for my procedure? I guess we’ll never know. We would try to check in and see if there was any update as to when I would go for my procedure. I even cried some, because 1) I wanted to get home so I could be with my kids (and not in a hospital) and 2) I was hungry. So anyway, it was finally my turn. I got all completely done around 3:30pm is when I got to the recovery room and called my husband so he could be there with me. We were there for another 3-3.5 hours. Which they really only call for about 1-2 depending. They were having more issues with whatever it was. So they bring me dinner, since I can finally eat. Mind you, this is like 6-7pm, so around 24 hours since I’d eaten an actual meal and not just snacked on something small. So I may have been a bit hangry even before the procedure trying to get updates on when it was actually going to happen! Which some of them understood, and when one of the ladies came into the room and told us that they were at some kind of meeting and someone said “who do we need to prioritize?” One of them said me. Which they didn’t say what they actually said verbatim, but they said that Mrs. Key should be the one to go next. So FINALLY – we were really getting prepped for the procedure.

And for this procedure, they did a type of epidural/spinal tap, which did hurt a bit this time around. But once it took effect, they were placing my legs up in/on the holster things so they could get started. And then the doctor comes in and introduces herself and said “Hi, my name is Dr *** ( I don’t want to say her name on here, but she was great!) and I will be doing your procedure! Sorry, I didn’t have time to come introduce myself sooner!” And I actually believed this doctor, since she was actually in the OR with me! It didn’t take too crazy long. And thankfully, it did go well. I didn’t lose any crazy amount of blood, just a small thing of gauze in a small thick square. So nothing major at all. The doctor did say how I basically had no cervix left, and I was basically trying to dilate already. But they were able to get the stitch on the cervix and close it up. There is still concern that things could happen and cause me to go into early delivery, but we are hoping that those things don’t happen! Also, baby was unphased during the procedure! She was doing just fine afterwards!

So we are going to be doing weekly followups and such with them and hopefully we can make it to at least 34 weeks. That is our goal. But right now, we are hoping to make it another week, than a month and then just go on from there.

So because of not having the procedure till later, we ended up having to stay another night. Which was not what we had planned. But it was for the best, I guess. In case anything were to happen. We finally got discharge around 2:30pm Saturday, October 10th. I’m not on official bed rest, but I do have limitations, no heavy lifting, no exercise, don’t do a lot, basically. but yeah.

Also, I just want to say that I have the best husband in the world! In the middle of all this, and staying in a hospital room an extra night – not what he had planned for this week/weekend. He even carried all of our stuff, even my purse! Which isn’t like a normal purse, it’s like a crossbody fanny pack type thing, but a cute one! 🙂

Especially since it is a lot to read. Sorry about that! It was a lot happening the last couple of weeks!

If you have read all of this, I really appreciate it. Also, want to say – this is my fourth pregnancy. None of this happened in my other three pregnancies. So just remember – anything can happen, even if your other pregnancies were “great” compared to some. Having multiple c-sections can also cause something like this, but that may be a blog for another day. I don’t want to talk about that! But anyway, we are finally home, Saturday October 10, 2026! We took a shower after bringing our stuff and letting family know that we made it home! That shower was glorious! Felt so much better! So if you think about me and my family, please pray for us in that this baby doesn’t come before at least 34 weeks, preferably full term, but we would be happy with making it to 34 weeks! I’m currently 23 weeks. God can! This is a surrogate pregnancy and my last pregnancy. Thank you all for reading and following along! If you want to subscribe to, I’d love to have you!

The Woman Behind the Baby.

Please don’t let me disappear into the fog. While everyone wonders and wants to see and hold the baby – what about mom? What about everything she just went through, whether it was a natural vaginal birth or a c-section (whether it was planned or not). Moms go through so much during pregnancy and it doesn’t end after birth. Postpartum can be even harder than the pregnancy itself. From personal experience, this is very true. I rarely had people check up on me, outside of my parents, to be honest. I hope that when my daughter has her own children, although we are years away from that (haha), that I will be everything that I didn’t have after having my babies (and even my surro babes).

Which is also sad. Just because someone gives birth to a baby that isn’t hers (a surrogate), she still needs that postpartum care and check-ins. Just because she doesn’t have a newborn to care for, feed and have diaper changes, she still needs to know that she is thought about and cared for. And again, going back to the people who have told me “You chose to do that. You chose to be pregnant again and for someone else.” That doesn’t take away the fact that I am doing it and I still need to be checked on and showed that you still care about me. (No, I’m not talking about my husband!) So many times, I have felt like chopped liver, for lack of a better description. The kids are what it’s all about anymore, even now. Eight, almost nine, years later. We are expected to go out of our way for everyone else, but no one will go out of their way for us. Well, honestly, except my immediate family, I am done going out of my way for people and done being taken advantage of just because that’s the way I’ve always been.

Since high school, maybe even in middle school, I let people walk all over me. And on into my grown up adult years and even while I’ve been married, and I am done with it. That may sound “bad” or “harsh”, but I am tired of people thinking that I will do whatever they want, within reason of course. But that I won’t say my own opinion and just take what they say or what they want and just do it – I am done with that now. I am speaking up for myself (and my family), and not caring what others think about it and/or me and my family. I already know some people may or may not have noticed this somewhat, but whether they have or not, I don’t know, but I’m done caring when it comes to my mental health and my family. If my mental health isn’t where it needs to be, how am I going to take care of my family, or even myself for my family.

Funny thing is, though, is that many of these people saying these things to me (or other women) ARE other women who have gone through pregnancy and being a mom too. How are moms shaming other moms? Some things I get, I was a social worker and some of the cases I had and heard about, yeah – some of those were like “how could a mom do that to her kids?” and “how can a mom…etc”? and even some of those things can be their own fault due to whatever it is. Some moms don’t try very hard for whatever reason – could be that they didn’t have the support that they should’ve had from their own families, or it could be drugs or whatever it may be. Either way, it was a choice that was made. Everything happens because a choice was made. We need to think about the choices we make. Even now, the choices we make now affects our children and grandchildren down the road.

During a lot of my postpartum life (which honestly never really stopped, because of timing of having another baby and such), I have felt very alone. My mom was one of the very few to really ask how I was doing every day, and not just the baby. Which of course is what a mom should do. And I hope that if one day, my children do decide to have their own children, I will be there for my daughter and my son’s wife, and not just my grandchild(ren).

Life is hard enough as it is, postpartum shouldn’t be harder. Especially because you feel so alone. And so many moms anymore feel alone. They see so many other people talking about their villages, when they don’t even have one friend to reach out to for help. We need more genuine friendships and even family relationships that want to do something for someone else without expecting something back. That is what all the world is today. If I do something for you, what will you do for me? Not everything has to be like that. And then if someone is nice to someone else, they think they want something, but that’s not always the case.

I was raised to be nice and to help others. It didn’t mean that I wanted something in return. I was just being nice. Or it was being taken as flirting which also got on my nerves. Which can also still be taken as flirting even now, which also gets on my nerves. But anyway, sorry! I always seem to go off on another topic that I don’t intend to!

In conclusion, don’t forget about the mama’s. They need love and care too. No matter how they gave birth. C-section is giving birth. But that’s for another blog post! 😛

Thank you for reading and until next time!

Stop Collecting Clutter and Start Collecting Memories!

Since becoming a mom, while we have gotten our kids so many toys and they’ve been given so many toys – I want to give them more experiences and memories than toys that they will enjoy playing for a day or two, then get tired of it. People are always saying that I’m always taking pictures. Which is true. And while I do take a lot of pictures, I am still enjoying the moments. People say that when you’re busy taking pictures and videos, you can’t enjoy the moment. Well, that’s not completely true. I am almost always taking pictures and videos when I’m doing something with my kids AND I am enjoying the time that we spend together. It’s not a bad thing to want to take pictures of everything. People think I’m “over the top” with pictures and videos, but I honestly don’t care what they think about me. Especially when I’m taking pictures and videos of my family.

The sad part is – basically all of my pictures and videos with the kids are there because I take them. Myself. No one is ever taking pictures of me and my kids together, unless I get them professionally done. Which people also probably think I get done too much. But if I have to pay someone to take pictures of me and my family (that aren’t selfies), because no one else will, than that is what I will do. I want pictures with my children that aren’t selfies. I want pictures of me doing things with my kids, whether I ask them to take the pictures and videos or not. Which I usually have to ask for it to be done. And even then, unless it’s done on my phone, I hardly get those pictures sent to me. Which is also sad. But anyway….

Memories and experiences. I want my children to have more memories and experiences than toys that lie around the room and collect dust. While some toys can be good and fun and last awhile, I’d rather the kids and my family be gifted an experience (or money to choose what we want to do with the kids as an experience), since not everyone may know what we like to do and such. Or so we can maybe try something new. I’ve asked people to not give the kids toys and to give an experience or something of the sort, but they don’t always listen. Which isn’t exactly new with people! They rarely listen! haha!

Sort of like me, people say that I’m hard to read and get to know. But no one asks to hang out with me to get to know me more. I’m also not a hard person to please or get to know. I love soft fuzzy blankets, snow globes, iced coffee and Lord of the Rings! It doesn’t take much to make me happy! I’ve thought of asking people if they want to go out and do something, but I’m always the one to reach out, and honestly – I’m getting kind of tired being the one to reach out. Communication goes both ways. I want people to want to see me, too. Not just my kids. And since becoming a mom, that’s all people really want to do – see the kids. Just like after the baby comes – do they ask about the mom? Not really. They just ask about the baby. But anyway, that’s for another blog post!

Ughs sorry! I always run off on a tangent! But that’s just me, I guess! Sorry not sorry!
Anyway, after we are gone, what are our children going to remember? That they got a lot of toys as kids? Or all the places that they visited and experiences that they were able to do WITH their Mom and Dad? Life as a parent isn’t always easy or sunshine and rainbows, there are arguments. We don’t want our kids to remember or think that “mom and dad fought a lot.” and that’s all they remember. Adults aren’t always going to agree on everything. It is about how they go about the disagreement and act on things. It is okay for the kids to see the parents argue, to an extent. Because they need to see how the parents also makeup after said argument. Life isn’t easy. The kids don’t need to know all the problems that go on in the home, financial or marital. Those need to be between the parents to work out together.

I try to do a deep clean at least once a week, if not every 2 weeks. My husband always say that I’m angry-cleaning when I do that, but that’s how I am. Once I start cleaning and I get into a groove, that’s all it is – a groove! I focus on my cleaning. We have so much clutter, and I want to get rid of as much of it as I can. Whether finding storage so it doesn’t look so messy and cluttered or actually getting rid of it or giving it away. Another reason to have more experiences than toys – unless it’s souvenirs from the trip and such. Those are okay! 🙂 Again, they’re memories from that trip, that experience with the family. Like a snowglobe! Every time I go somewhere, especially with my family, I will get a snowglobe if I can find one that I like, and if it doesn’t have to location or the year on it, I will write it on the bottom of the snowglobe. So see?! It doesn’t really take much to make me happy! I’m pretty much an open book! If you don’t treat me or my family right, I have no problem with you! But I also don’t like it when you may talk to my kids and even my husband but basically ignore me. That – I don’t like. This part may sound kinda harsh or whatever word you want to use but…I birthed the children, they wouldn’t be here without me (and my husband). If you ignore me and talk to the others like I’m not there, or exclude me from things that you are trying to invite the kids (and their dad) to, but “forget” me – then we will have a problem.
I may have been excluded a lot, not just as a kid but even now, as the mother of my kids. I’ve also had people ask my husband if I’m okay because of some of the posts that I’ve posted, because they seem depressed and stuff. They don’t always mean that I’m depressed – it’s called sharing for others, so they don’t feel alone. But those people can also ask me directly. I’m not a hard or scary person to talk to.
But anyway, again, that may be for another post, if I’m feeling brave enough! 😛

Main point of this blog post – give your children experiences, not toys! Unless they’re souvenirs from the experiences! I’m sorry if you get offended at some of the things I wrote in here, but I feel like not many people read my blog anyway. At least people I know. It’s usually strangers that support you more than people you actually know. Isn’t that funny? But funny enough, it’s actually true, sadly. But anyway – hope you have a great week!

Our Present, Their Future

I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. About family. About what we are leaving behind for our children after we are gone. Are we leaving them a mess? Are we leaving them nothing? A legacy? Honestly, we are all leaving behind some kind of legacy for our children. The question is – what kind of legacy are we leaving? Are we leaving behind something that our children will be proud of and that have them telling everyone “This is what my parents built and it taught me…” *insert whatever it may have taught them*.

Everything nowadays tells us to think about ourselves, whether we have a family or not. While I did that for awhile, I would try to do what I wanted or what I thought I wanted, but that would blow up in my face and/or I would get rejected from what I thought would be my dream job. Most, if not all, of the jobs that I have had (some more than others) have completely torn me down and did not help me in any kind of way. Did they teach me things? Yes, of course they did. Mostly, they taught me how NOT to treat others. Did I like the jobs? Somewhat. For me, it wasn’t the job itself that I didn’t “enjoy”, it was how I was treated, the managers (and above) did not care about their employees. They had favorites on the “team”. There was no team at some of my jobs. I knew that I always wanted to own my own business, be my own boss. Not just sell something on social media for someone else. I wanted it to be for myself and for my family. Not going to some corporate business. But going to my family after I was gone.

While I still do some of those, I don’t actively promote them. I do still use them, but that is not how I want to build my “legacy” for my children. I want them to be proud of me, and not think that it was just something to do or something I had to do. I want my children to be able to look at me or think about me and say “My mom (and dad) built this for me. They did this for me because they love me…” and you know all the great things that children should be saying about their parents.

My daughter has told me that she hated me before, because I told her “no” about something. While I knew she didn’t REALLY mean it. She probably meant it in the moment, but not in the big picture. She is still young, and this was a year or two ago.

As I have gotten older and learned more things as a mom and what I’ve seen in different companies that I have worked for, I decided that that was not what I wanted for my kids. I was miserable in my job. While the pay may have been decent (still not enough haha), I was literally miserable. And my kids saw it, they knew how much I hated going and how miserable I was. When your own kids can see that….that is not something that I want to pass down to my children. Even though you may not be happy in your job, doesn’t mean you quit right away (because no one can afford to), until you have something else lined up…but you work to get something else, something better. Something that will better you and your family.

I feel like everyone is always telling me what I can and can’t do. And it’s been getting on my nerves, as I’m sure it does to everyone else. There was a quote that I heard earlier by Dolly Parton – “To those that say it can’t be done, would you please stop interrupting those of us that are doing it?” Now, I don’t know if it is actual quote from Dolly, but it is so true. I’ve been told so many times, by multiple people, that I can’t do certain things. I’m not just talking about jobs and such. I’ve had people tell me “Oh, 2 kids is enough, you/they don’t need to have anymore.” While yes and no, it is our decision whether we choose to have more kids or not. Yes, we decided that we are happy with our two, that doesn’t mean that we could’ve changed our mind and had more. Because honestly, it is none of their business. It is my family, not theirs. I want to be the mom, I want my kids to want me and their daddy.
So I looked up that quote, the quote is “”People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it,” by George Bernard Shaw. But I did hear it from Dolly Parton in a movie, called “Christmas in Dollywood”! You should watch it!

Anyway, I’m kind of going on a rampage. But it does sort of go along with what I started with. Don’t let others get you down for what you want to do with your life for YOUR family. I have had so many interests and passions, but nothing that I could really leave as a legacy for my children. Right now, they would probably say something like “My mom liked doing a lot of things, but she didn’t really know what she wanted to do. Except be a mom.” While I LOVE being a mom, and that is a great legacy to leave behind – I want to leave more than that behind for my kids. As we all know, it doesn’t exactly “pay the bills” by being a mom. Unfortunately. There are so many rewards to being a mom though. It really is the best thing in the world.

I’m almost done, I promise! While writing is a passion of mine (obviously haha), I do have other passions. And I am working on them. But something I’ve learned – is don’t tell people things until after it’s done, or at least in the works. And that is what I’ve been doing and plan on doing from now on! So be on the lookout for some exciting things, Lord willing!

Thank you for following along on my journey! Also, I do plan on writing more! 🙂

The scar that made me a Mother.


I’ve been thinking lately about C-sections. Don’t ask me way, I just have. I know April was C-Section Awareness month, and it’s now May – but that’s okay. We can still talk about them, right. Anyway, I’ve had 3 of them. While my first one was not planned, the other 2 have been. Would I have liked to at least tried to do it naturally, yes, but you know how doctors are.
Anyway, everyone also says that a C-section is the “easy way out”. It very much is not. Our bodies are cut open to get the baby (or babies) out. Sometimes it is the only safe option, but they still come with risks. And do you know how many LAYERS the doctor cuts of YOUR body tissue? SEVEN! How crazy is that? And people say that it’s the “easy way out”? While I’m not trying to bash anyone on that, I’m just trying to show it from the point of view of someone who has had one, besides that of someone who probably hasn’t and that’s why they say what they do.

The 7 layers of tissue that are cut:
Skin: The outermost layer.
Subcutaneous fat: Fatty tissue below the skin.
Fascia: A tough, thin connective tissue covering the muscles.
Muscle: The rectus abdominis muscles, which are usually separated vertically rather than cut.
Peritoneum: A membrane that lines the abdominal cavity.
Uterus: The muscular organ containing the baby.
Amniotic sac: The fluid-filled membrane surrounding the baby.

And unless it’s an emergency c-section, which takes a little bit longer, take about maybe 20 minutes. Which is probably why people say that it’s the easy way out, because they don’t have to “go through labor” like they did, pushing for hours and all the contractions and everything, whether unmedicated or not. Which some people could say that if you get the epidural and still do it naturally, that that is also an “easy way out” because you don’t feel all the pain. And sometimes even those can fail, and the effects can either wear off faster or not take effect at all. And the epidural has an effect on the woman’s body – have you seen how big the epidural needle is, that they stick into your spine? It’s pretty big. And that your husband isn’t even allowed in the room while they are sticking that huge needle in your spine…does that make sense? While it is for “safety and sterile” reasons – he is one of the reasons that they are there in the first place. He helped make the child that is about to be born.

C-sections are also hard to recover from. My first one was rough to recover from. I had also been pushing for 2.5 hours before we went to emergency c-section. My daughter got stuck and wouldn’t progress any further. And yes, I had the epidural. Which I wish I hadn’t, but that’s for another time. I didn’t like the epidural, because I couldn’t feel anything, I was told when to push, when I would’ve rather been able to feel everything and let my body do what it knew to do. Those contractions were painful, and I opted in for the epidural. I was trying not to, but I gave in. Nevermind, I guess I told the reason why just now! Sorry! The spinal tap is just as bad/hard, for the scheduled c-sections.

While I can understand that after you have a c-section, it could possibly be safer to keep that going if you have more children, but it is just as safe and “risky” to have the baby naturally. Which my third c-section, while it was scheduled, but the baby decided to come early, at 36 weeks. I was already huge and people thought I was further along than 36 weeks. Anyway, guess what? Even though he broke my water and everything, we still had the c-section. Do I think that I could’ve done it naturally? Yes. Yes, I do. He was apparently ready to come out, I honestly don’t think I needed to have the c-section. And just so you know the baby was born at 8lbs 2oz – at 36 weeks! So baby was not preemie (at least not in size)!

While doctors are smart and good and everything, I feel like a mother knows her body and knows what it can do, especially while giving birth. We, as mothers, need to advocate for ourselves more in that aspect. I have a friend who is working on that also, and bringing awareness to that, and being a support to women in that area and during that time, if that is what they want. Sometimes, well many times, it is hard for us to lift up our voices for ourselves in that way. Now bring our child into it, that’s something else, but when it comes to us, we are silent. It’s hard to speak up for ourselves. But our children, our family – 100% we will be speaking up. But when it comes to just us – 100% silence.

Anyway, not my point of this post! C-sections are not the easy way out. If a mom had to choose, they would not choose a c-section, unless it literally meant life or death. And that was the reasoning for it. Not “If you have one c-section, the rest of your births have to be a c-section.” I have known and read so many stories of women who have had c-sections (even more than one) and were still able to give birth vaginally after that. It is possible. Please – advocate for yourself, unless it is medically necessary, life or death. If it is something you want, fight for it. If you need someone to be there for you, I can and I know someone else who, I’m sure would love to be there with you also to support and advocate for you!

Feel free to send me a message and I will reach back out with that info!

Also, Happy Belated Mothers Day!

If you have read this far, I really appreciate you! Thank you so much!

What mom life means to me:

From the moment that I found out I was pregnant with our first child, I wasn’t sure what kind of mom I was going to be. I had always dreamt of being a mom, and now that it was here, I had some thinking to do.

It has been almost 8 years since the moment that the I saw that positive on the pregnancy test. I was kind of in denial and I was excited at the same time. While it wasn’t exactly planned at the time, God knew what we needed. During the pregnancy, I was cautious on what I ate and what I drank, mostly water and Sprite, sometimes sweet tea! 🙂 And A LOT of Mexican food! haha.

But ever since I first held my baby girl in the NICU, and bringing her home and learning to be a mama on the outside and not just the inside…thankfully I had my mom there for a few days at least to help and show my some things about motherhood! Although some things you learn by doing, especially with motherhood! You learn as you go! Fast forward a couple years, we are pregnant with our second! This one was planned! Although our first wasn’t planned, we love our little girl! While our little girl would much rather be with Mimi and Papaw, our son loves to be home with mommy and daddy! Our daughter likes to be home with us too, but if Mimi and Papaw are an option – she goes with them! haha!

But I still wouldn’t any of our special moments, even the hard ones, for anything. I love my babies so much!!! And no matter how old they get, they will always be my babies!! One of the things that I would wish for, is that more pictures are taken of me with my babies. I have pictures with them, but more than 75% of them are selfies that I take with them. The other 25% are pictures that I schedule for the family. I want pictures of me and my kids that I don’t have to ask for or point out, “This would be a cute picture, can you take it, please?” Then I will hear a sigh, as if I’m being selfish or something, when all I want are pictures with my kiddos, that aren’t selfies. So when you see my kids trying to take selfies although they are super young – that is why. Because that is all they see – their mom taking pictures with them because no one else does or will. And I don’t mean this against anyone, but I hear a lot of moms saying this, and people say they will, but then they don’t actually do it.

Even when I schedule family pictures, I will invite others to join us, such as my in-laws as such. That way they can have nicer, professional pictures with their grandkids, instead of others taking them or selfies and such. It doesn’t always work out, and that’s fine. But even with that, I still try to think of others and such. And no one thinks of the mom.

Since Mother’s Day is coming up – ask her what she would like. And listen to her. Whether it be a quiet day at home, the dishes cleaned that she doesn’t have to do herself, or whatever it may be. Listen to her! Don’t sigh at her and what she would like. We, as moms, do a lot. And no one says anything, until they see it not being done. The house will be a mess, and then something will be said, or maybe it won’t. Then I will start cleaning or “angry cleaning” as my husband likes to call it. While it may or may not be angry cleaning, sometimes I would just like to not have to clean up, but then it gets too bad, and it won’t get done, if I don’t do it. The mom isn’t the only one can clean up. And that is something that needs to be said. While it is the “traditional” way for the mom and wife to do all the household things – it’s not always possible. I am currently working full-time, and have a hour to drive to work, and an hour home. And yet, when I get home, I’m expected to clean up, cook dinner, and such. And some days I won’t get home till at least 6pm. Then we try to get the kids to bed around 8-8:30pm. That’s not very much time to spend with my kids.

I’m not saying any of this to down my husband, he’s great, but it would be nice to have a little more help! 🙂 And this is also not my point for this post either! I got sidetracked! Sorry!

I have also had the privilege of being a surrogate! Which was amazing!! It was an experience, and I would do it again! Seeing the joy on the parents faces while finally getting to hold their miracle baby was definitely worth all the pregnancy symptoms! Especially that Pregnancy Cold – that was horrible!!! HAHA!!!

Being a mom is one of the best things in the world! Is it hard? Yes! Is it exhausting? Also, yes! But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love being a mom!
If you’ve read this far, thank you!
I also have a question to ask of you! I am in a “Super Mom” contest! It is a free to vote, and you can vote once every 24 hours! I will attach the link here!

https://thesupermom.org/2025/stacie-key

The top 5 cut-off is on Thursday, May 8, 2025. I would greatly appreciate each and every vote!! Thank you!!

One year later!

How has it already been a year since I gave birth to a baby that wasn’t even mine? Yes, you read that right. I was a surrogate. Was it hard at times, yes. Would I do it again? Also, yes. It was quite the journey! Very memorable and sometimes hard, but I would do it again!

What are some typical questions I got as a surrogate? I got a few, such as, I got asked about my emotions with having to give the baby up and feeling attached. I got asked if I knew the family. Asked about how the kids are taking it, my cravings, etc. To answer a few of them here, the kids took it pretty well! And as it progressed, they loved it! They both loved feeling him move inside me. I even got some videos and sent it to the parents – they loved it also! When asked at the store “Is Mommy having a baby brother or sister?” Anna would respond with “No, she’s carrying a baby for someone else who can’t.” Which is a very grown-up and mature answer, if you ask me! I was very impressed with her!

So to be honest, I think having the mindset of “I know this baby isn’t mine, the baby doesn’t have any of my DNA helps a lot. While I do enjoy being pregnant, you still have all the symptoms. And while I didn’t really have terrible morning sickness with my kids, the surro pregnancy was worse in that department. I had horrible morning sickness, the “pregnancy cold” was 5x worse! But being able to feel that baby move inside and even though it wasn’t my baby – I don’t know, it made it even more beautiful and amazing! Knowing that I could carry a baby for someone else who couldn’t and that I WAS carrying a baby for someone else. If you had asked me if I ever saw myself doing something like this, I probably would’ve told you no, although that is the kind of person I am. I love to help others, and I feel like this is one of the ultimate ways to help someone.

When I think about the last 2.5 years and how we got here, it is crazy and beautiful! I applied to be a surrogate in September 2022, got accepted that same week. I had all the medical checkup appointments, and blood draws and all that. We got a potential match in January 2023, met them via Zoom beginning of February then we started the medical and mock trial for the embryo transfer. Everything went great! We finalized and signed the legal documents in July 2023. We got our tentative embryo transfer date for August 30th. Not many people knew what we were even doing. I know for something like this, you want to know you have the support of everyone you know and love. And while I did want that, I wanted to know it was a ‘for sure’ thing first before telling everyone, or anyone really. Very few people knew! We told my family that week of July after we signed the legal contract! We told my in-laws pretty much the week before the embryo transfer, I believe – since we needed someone to watch the children while we traveled for the embryo transfer!

Again, like anything “new”, not everyone will be supportive at first. Some people were hesitant, but as time went on, they got more supportive and checked on me during the pregnancy! It was new to me too! So after the embryo transfer, they want you to take it easy for a few days. We flew up to Pennsylvania for the Embryo Transfer. That is where the Intended Parents were living at the time. They now live in Utah to be closer to their family!

We spent most of the time in PA with the parents and getting to know each other. Since I would be carrying their baby, that is important! We got to know each other a little bit through the Zoom calls and our profiles, but nothing is as good as in person! We spent time with them at their house, they took us out to eat at one of their favorite places there in PA after the embryo transfer! I see quite a few surrogates get McDonald’s fries for “sticky” vibes, to help the baby stick and stay! While that is a cute and fun little thing to do – they wanted to take us somewhere that we don’t get too often or have back home. It was good! It was a little Thai restaurant, although I can’t remember the name of it! Sorry! A lot was going on at the time, the name of the restaurant wasn’t exactly first on my mind!

Anyway, fast forward to now, and we still have a relationship with the parents and little Malcolm! We still text every week and they send me pictures and videos and we even Facetime when schedules allow!

The relationship with the parents during and afterward also makes a huge difference in the journey! I love that I was able to do this for this couple and to grow a relationship with them and their baby! Did I grow attached to the baby? Maybe a little, but it only really hit me when we were saying goodbye to them to taking their new little miracle home and when they asked us to be Aunt and Uncle to the little one! That was when I lost it!

Here are a few pictures of the journey from then to now!

The day of the Embryo Transfer! 08/30/23
Confirmed Positive!
First ultrasound!
One of the last bump pics I took before his surprise arrival!
And here he is now! 🩵

It is crazy to think about a year ago! We still had a whole month to go! But this little stinker was ready to come out and meet his mommy and daddy! And he is thriving! I’m so blessed that I was able to do this for someone and to have the relationship with them that we do! 🙂 If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!

You are Enough.

Whether you just had a baby, are a long-time mom and done having children, are currently pregnant, want more kids, or whatever it may be, there is one thing you need to remember. You. Are. Enough.

It is hard no matter what stage of life you are in, that feeling of “I’m not enough.” will always be there. Whether we are actually told that we are enough or we aren’t, or we feel it or we don’t. It is okay to tell yourself that you are enough. It’s not selfish or being about yourself. It is helping you feel that you are enough. Whether you feel like you can’t fully be there as the mom or the wife, especially while recovering from having a baby – you are enough. I am focusing this mostly on after having a baby and recovering because that is where I am at right now. But no matter what stage of life you are in, you are enough.

I recently had a baby, and if you read my previous blog, you know that I was a surrogate, and it wasn’t my baby. And with that part, yes, I’m still okay! I am super happy with the family and finally having their miracle baby! And even though they don’t live super close to us, they still text us and send us pictures of the little guy! And that helps a ton, in my opinion!

What is hard for me right now, is that while I don’t have a newborn to take care of and get up in the middle of the night to feed and change diapers, there are still other things that I feel need attention. Even though I am in recovery still and technically not supposed to be doing a whole lot still, I feel like I should be doing more. I feel lazy because I look around and see everything that needs to be done. There is always something that needs to be done, though, right? We still need to remember we need to take care of ourselves. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we won’t be able to take care of our family like we need to.

It also helps to have help and know you have help. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. That is something that I have majorly struggled with, but in the last year or so, I have started asking for help more. I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have are there to help, when I need it. Even if it’s just to talk and listen to me vent about something or just to talk!

So the above was written while I was still in the early recovery stages of postpartum. Which in all honesty, you are still in recovery that full first year. And especially lately, I have still been feeling like I’m not enough. For my husband. For my kids. I feel so inadequate for so many reasons. I love helping people and being there for others, that I tend to forget about myself and that I need things too, and that I need to take care of myself or else I won’t be much good to my family. Don’t be too busy filling other people’s cups that you forget to fill your own.

So often, the mama is forgotten about after having a baby. Everyone is all about the baby, which is fine. But the mom needs to be checked up on too. They grew a human being inside them and moved there organs around so the baby could fit and grow and they had to make sure that baby got all the nutrients they would need so that they could grow at the right rate and to be healthy. That is not always easy. The changes the mom and mom’s body goes through – it’s a lot. We do it multiple times, yes, but that doesn’t mean it get easier each time. Yes, we love it and that’s why we do it and we love our babies and our family, but life is still hard.

All that to say – no matter what, you are enough. Whatever your best is, that is enough. Don’t give up on yourself. You are enough. You are strong, even though you may not feel like it. ❤