My Thoughts as a Mom

When I think of the last seven years as a mom, many things have gone through my mind from the moment we found out we were expecting our first child. Good things, bad things, sad things, happy things, all the things.

We have two beautiful children, and even though sometimes our oldest has quite the attitude, or doesn’t want to eat her food or whatever it may be, there are still those moments that I find myself just looking at her and thinking about how blessed I am to have her and our son. To be A mama and to be THEIR mama. I miss the baby phase where they just wanted to be held and close to their mama and daddy. In the case of my son, he just wanted his mama! Which everyone would always tell me that “Oh, just wait till you need to get some work done, and he won’t let you go.” Which is true, especially with him, he wouldn’t let me out of his sight! Seriously! He would sometimes let daddy hold him, but 99.9% of the time, he would only be happy with me, his mama! 100% mama’s boy! And I was completely okay with it! I loved it! As our daughter was all about Mimi and Papaw, I was glad to have one child be all about mama (and daddy, at times haha)!

Since I take so many pictures, there is always pictures and videos popping up on my memories of when they were little and it is a little depressing, just because they will never be that little again. But it is also great to see them growing and learning new things. To see those moments again, where they were first learning to crawl or walk, or say “mama” or “dada”! I miss those memories, but I’m so glad that I have all the pictures and videos to relive them again! Even if they do make me cry all over again!

And even during the good times, as a mom, I am thinking “Am I good enough?”, “Am I doing everything I can be…”, “Should I be doing this or that..?” I still have moments where I feel like a failure as a mom. Sometimes I lose my cool, and then I apologize to the kids for my outburst. Yes, even as parents, we sometimes need to apologize to our kids. We aren’t perfect, we can’t expect our children to be either. We are all learning, even still.

While my dream was to always be a mom, and I have now been a mom for seven years now, and am very thankful for my children, it’s not always easy. Which I knew it wasn’t, but you don’t really understand how hard something is until you do it or get there yourself.

As a child, growing up, you don’t really think about anything. You don’t have bills to think about, or what groceries are needed for the house, you don’t think about those things as a kid. When you get to be an adult and a parent, you realize what all your parents did and had to go through, and now it’s your turn. And. It. Is. Hard.

I find myself calling my mom almost every day. I didn’t have to think about calling my mom when I was a kid, because she was always there. But now I’m grown up, and don’t live close to my parents. Thing is, unless they’re not home, I usually Facetime them, instead of just a phone call. We have a love/hate relationship with technology, right? We love it because it allows us to see someone’s face even if they aren’t there in person. And we hate it because of all the bad things that are out there and you never know what you’re gonna see or read, sometimes. I’m thankful that I’m still able to facetime and “see” my parents and talk to them about things.

You always have a bad relationship with your parents as a young kid and teenager, but as you grow up into an adult and have your own family, you realize how much your parents were right and how much you need them. I didn’t always get along with my parents, but as a mom now, I realize how much my mom and dad did for me (and siblings, of course)! How much they had to go through and put up with. Life isn’t easy. I’m closer to my parents since I went off to college, in my last year there or so, and now, of course.

Anyway, my thoughts as a mom – they are all over the place, literally. I have good days and bad days, as we all do. But I know that if I need to, I can always call my mom. I’m super thankful for my mom and dad! And if you know me, you know they had to put up with a lot, just with me alone! And I have eight other siblings! But anyway, I guess my point of this blog is that no matter what, we all have these thoughts that we don’t think we are good enough or maybe our kids would be better off without us or whatever it may be. But I promise! If those kids were better off without you, God wouldn’t have given you that child(ren).

Some kids may be a surprise, but that doesn’t mean that they were an accident. It just means that God knew what we needed before we knew. That child could be what saved someone from killing themselves, or hurting themselves in general. Maybe someone was an alcoholic and then realized they were pregnant, and the baby made them rethink their life and do better for that child. Our first baby wasn’t exactly planned, but I wouldn’t change any of it for anything.

So just remember, you are loved and you are doing a great job, mama! Don’t give up! ❤

What it means to be a mom:

What it means to be a mom to me: In honor of Mother’s Day (already past), I wanted to take a few minutes and talk about moms and what it means to me to be a mom.

I love being a mom, and during this last year, I was able to be a stay-at-home mom. And I have loved it! Were there hard days? Of course. No mom can say that every day is easy. But that doesn’t mean that we hate staying home with our kids. I would give anything for my kids. Yes, they can drive me crazy some days, but like I said, that doesn’t mean that I hate being a stay-at-home mom.

When I look back at my childhood, was it always the best? No. 🙂 But I was also the youngest of nine kids, so yeah, it wouldn’t be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. And that’s okay. When I look back at what my parents did for me and all they sacrificed for me and my siblings, it makes me even more thankful. There are going to be some things that we, as parents, will need to sacrifice for our family. Whether it’s our time, money, or whatever it may be. But what we sacrifice for our kids, for our family, is so that we can give them something better.

I may not have many friends, and that’s okay. While it’s nice to have friends, you want to have the right kind of friends who will encourage you and not tear you down. Life isn’t easy. What is easy, anymore, right?

Being a mom is one of the greatest and hardest things I’ve ever done. And now I’ve been able to help someone else become a mom (and dad)! Was that always easy? Definitely not! The pregnancy was a bit rough just with the pregnancy insomnia and sinus issues at night, but other than that, the pregnancy was fine! And the saying goodbye to the baby and the parents was hard! Even though none of the DNA, the baby is not genetically mine in any way, I was just the carrier, it was harder to say goodbye than I thought it would be! But I was able to help someone else have their dream, their miracle – a baby! And that was amazing!!!

So what does it mean to me to be a mom?! Absolutely everything!! So many people shame moms anymore and it’s horrible. It’s sad. You get shamed whether you want to stay-at-home with your children or whether you want to work outside the home and help your family financially. No matter what you do, you get criticized. It breaks my heart.

With everything a woman, as a mom, goes through – we beat ourselves up every day. We don’t talk about it, but we do. We may not look or seem like we do, because we have our smiles and our brave/strong face on, but we do. Do we love being home with our kids, yes. Do we feel bad for not working outside the home so our husband isn’t the only one “working”? Also, yes. And yes, the moms do so much at home that would cost a ton of money otherwise, like childcare – that costs almost a whole paycheck anymore, so it wouldn’t even do the parents any good, because one of the parents would be away from the children all day, then be home with them for a couple hours before putting them to bed. And that isn’t right.

While nowadays, it’s hard for anyone to live, even with two incomes in the house, people are still living paycheck to paycheck and barely surviving. Is that what we want? No. At least I hope it isn’t.

Anyway, I’ve gotten a little sidetracked. No matter what is going on in the home, whether the mom is working away from home or is a stay-at-home mom, she is doing great things and she is doing her best. She is a MOM! I’m thankful for my mom and my mother-in-law!

We need to stop shaming moms. Anyway, hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day weekend and it is now Memorial Day.

Remember to thank a veteran. ❤

My Surrogacy Birth Story

Well, as some of you may know, I am or was a surrogate. I will tell the story of how I became a surrogate on another day in another post. 🙂 For now, I will tell you the story of the birth!

It was Thursday night, we were all in bed. It was a sort of stormy night. My husband and I were asleep in bed, and the kids were in their room in their beds. I am jolted awake by our daughter, “Mommy! Mommy” I’m scared of the thunder!” Which at the time, it wasn’t thundering outside that I could tell, but that was okay. Our son was right next to her too, so she must’ve woken him up or they both woke up because of the storm, not completely sure. But either way, they were both there. It was about 2am on Friday morning at this time. So they both get in the bed with us, and while I’m pretty big already with the pregnancy, and we have three dogs who like to sleep with us in the bed, as well – there wasn’t much room in the bed. I was literally hanging off halfway! So I wasn’t very comfortable!

So after a few minutes of snuggling with the kids, and making sure they were okay, I got up and went to the couch. My husband did work that day, so he had an alarm set to go off around 5am. So a couple hours later, which wasn’t out of the ordinary, I woke up and I had to go to the bathroom! #pregnancylife right?! Anyway, at first, it was just a trickle that fell out, and then another one, and then I had to “jump” off the couch (as well as I could being 36 weeks pregnant and huge haha) to run to the bathroom! But as soon as I stood up from the couch, I could feel more trying to hurry out.

I barely make it to the bathroom and I have gushes of liquid flowing out of me. And I mean, gushes! It was seriously like out of the movies gushing! It was cool and not cool at the same time! Especially since we still had a month to go. I wasn’t super worried that he’d be a “preemie” size with how big I was and how active he was and everything, but still – being a month early is still early!

Anyway, my water breaks, I’m trying to figure out what all is going on, since I never experienced my water breaking, especially not like that! I always heard “It’s not like it is the movies!” I get towels to clean it up and google what all consists of water breaking and what it “looks” and smells like and everything just to confirm that it is my water and not something else and then really needing to rush to the hospital. Everything said it would be clear and be odorless. So I smelled it and it was odorless, definitely didn’t smell like a urine smell. And I would change my underwear, and within a couple minutes, I would be drenched again! I probably went through 3-4 pairs of underwear in like an hour.

Also during this time, I texted my Mother-in-Law since she’s a nurse, asking if there was a way to know for sure if it was my water breaking and not just uncontrollable peeing. And she said how they have test strips at the hospital, but other than that, not really. And then after a few minutes, I called my doctors office after hours number, and told them what happened, and they said they would call the doctor on call, which thankfully was my doctor, and then he’d call me back within the next 30 minutes. Which was more like 5-8 minutes when I got a call back! So again, I told him what happened, and he said “If you think its your water, you need to come to the hospital and get checked. And if it is your water, we will be delivering today.” And I said “well, okay.” And then we basically hung up.

At this time, it was 4:58am, and my husbands alarm for work was about to go off. I wake him so his alarm wouldn’t wake the kids since they were in the bed next to him. My words? I said “Brandon? Umm, so I think my water broke!” And his response? “Oh great!” Haha! Not exactly what you want to hear when you still got a month to go!

I was sort of still in denial about it being my water, and didn’t really want to go to the hospital and it being a false alarm, even after all that, I knew it probably wouldn’t be! But you always have that thought of “please be a false alarm!” Even though you are 99% sure it’s not! So while still texting my mother-in-law, I asked if we could bring the kids over while we go to the hospital and get checked and everything. Which I knew she wouldn’t say no, haha. But still, always nice to ask, right?!

So my husband and I talk, while he is getting ready for work. He said, he’ll take the kids to his moms then go to work, while I go to the hospital and if it’s baby time, to text him and he’ll head over to the hospital! So I packed a few things into a bag in case it was time, not really sure what all I was grabbing since I was trying to be quick. And I did eat a small bowl of cereal, that way I wouldn’t be starving depending on what it was and everything. By the way, don’t do that! Not recommended! Haha! You’ll find out why later! Anyway, so I drove myself to the hospital. And yes, I had to grab a towel to put down on the seat so I didn’t drench the car seat! Haha! Also, please don’t judge us for him still going to work and my driving myself to the hospital while I was technically in labor! It worked out and it’s how we worked it out to do it!

Anyway, I’m driving myself to the hospital, and during this time – no, I’m not feeling any contractions at the time, just very wet from the water! Haha! And maybe a bit anxious! But that’s also to be expected! So I get to the hospital about 6am. Go to the ER desk and tell them what happened and that my doctor said to come and all that jazz. So she called up and said alright, you can go on up to Labor and Delivery. And another worker who also works on the L&D floor came by, and he took me, the employee way – said it’d be shorter! I was like “Oh, guess I caught ya just in time, then!” He said “I’m actually a little late!” to which I responded with “Yeah, I’m a little early!” Haha making a joke! He chuckled! But anyway!

Got up to L&D, they got me in the waiting area, where they monitor you and baby and do the swab to check if its amniotic fluid and such. And she also checked my cervix to see if I was dilating or anything, and she said she didn’t even feel the water bag or anything and that I was already 4cm dilated and contracting every 2-3 minutes.. At 36 weeks pregnant! It’s been quite the morning! And baby boy was ready to come now! And while they have the bands on me monitoring everything, I did start to feel some hard cramping pains/contractions.

So I started asking the nurses, if I should text my husband to come to the hospital. And they were like “YES!” So luckily he didn’t work too far from the hospital. He was at work for about 35 minutes before coming to the hospital! Haha! He said that he put his jacket on, and the guys at work said “You cold?” And he said, “Nope, looks like my wife decided to have the baby today!” And they were all like “OHHH!!!” Haha and when he told me that, I was like “I didn’t decide to have the baby! He decided he wanted to come now!” Haha! Trying to blame me! Tsk tsk!

So hubby gets to the hospital and they’re already prepping me to go to the OR, they had to push back another C-section that was scheduled, to do mine first, because of all that happened and how fast he was progressing! So he got to the hospital around 7am, and about 10 minutes later, they were rolling me back to the OR to do all the other stuff, the spinal tap and all that! He said that he didn’t even have his little gown and all that on, before they came to get him to come in the OR with me. They were fast! Also, coming back to that bowl of cereal I had – during the surgery, my blood pressure dropped, which it usually did because of the meds they give for the surgery and everything, and this one had a little something extra – my bowl of cereal. I ended up throwing it up at the beginning of the surgery! Not fun, by the way, when you’re on an operating table and being operated on! But after that, I was better for the most part. Felt a little lightheaded through out, but that’s mostly to be expected. So pro tip: Don’t eat anything before going into the hospital to possibly have a baby, even though you may “think” it’s a false alarm! Haha.

Anyway, and then at 7:58am on April 19, 2024, little baby boy was born at 8lbs 2oz, 19.5 inches long! So from the time my water broke, it was less than four hours that baby was here!

This was my nurse for the first day, and while in recovery! She was the best!

Don’t I just look so great here?! 😂

This whole thing, this whole experience with the water breaking was something else! But all in all, the surgery went well, and everything went smoothly, besides my little throwing up! 🤮 😊Baby was here safely and healthy and that is what mattered! I was good also. Now the really fun part – recovery. I’m very thankful that it was my doctor that was on call though! He’s been my favorite through out all three of my pregnancies! Thankful for my in-laws who were able to take the kids during this and for everyone who has checked on us through out! Thank you! 😊

Finding yourself again

Do you feel like you’re losing yourself? Maybe even again? As a mom, I feel like this happens to us several times, maybe even daily. We know we are trying our best to be the best mom we can be, while also trying to be the best wife to our husbands. But sometimes, that is easier said than done, right? We try to take care of the household things, the dishes, the laundry, the cooking, everything. And yet, we hardly have time to even take care of ourselves. Moms don’t get burnout, necessarily. We just want time to ourselves, to actually take care of ourselves. Whether it’s an uninterrupted shower, which is technically personal hygiene which everyone needs, and even then, we don’t always have time to take a shower either. Our kids want to be with us while we take a shower, even while we go to the bathroom. That’s not exactly what we had in mind! Right!? We need alone time, going out to get groceries is not always the “alone time” we want, either. We want time to just be alone, without having to “buy” anything specific such as groceries, or anything like that. Just to be. Alone.

Plus, even after being married, you still need to date your spouse. Many times, I am the one to plan our outings, or our dates. And yes, while it is nice to get out, it’d be nice to not have to plan them all, and to be surprised every once in awhile. That is why so many marriages lose the “spark”, or the marriage gets “dry”. They don’t date each other, the man doesn’t plan the dates.

Although, dates are still needed in a marriage; but when you are still trying to get a house, your first house, and inflation and all the prices of everything have skyrocketed, it’s hard to go on dates, when you are trying to pay things off and save money for a down payment for a house. Which yes, saving for a house is good, but you still need to take and make time for each other.

I am also being a surrogate, currently. Which yes, while it is rewarding helping someone have a family that they couldn’t have otherwise, and while I do get paid for it, which how the economy is right now, it is still barely enough to be able to save for a house, like we planned. I thought I’d be able to put aside at least half of each payment to a house savings. But guess what?? Nope! And with the utilities in the winter, it’s so expensive, and groceries are expensive.

While I do enjoy being home with the kids, it is still hard. Because it is hard to save money so that we can get a house like we planned. It is hard to not lose yourself because you feel like you are failing at everything you wanted. While I’ve been applying to jobs to still work inside the home, and some outside the home, it’s hard to not lose yourself and feel like you’re not failing your children and even your husband. While he does work outside the home, and is able to come home at a decent time during the day, unless they get overtime, he is still tired and doesn’t want to do anything after he gets home. So that doesn’t help with having alone time with yourself as a mom, or with your husband.

I do enjoy being home and attempting to be a good housewife and a mom, but some days are harder than others, as any mom would tell you. Some days, you just want to be lazy, but then when you have a lazy day, you feel guilty for not getting anything done. And then on the not lazy days, you feel like you did too much and maybe didn’t spend as much time with your kids and wish you had taken them out of the house or to just do something not at the house.

I guess I got kind of off-topic from the beginning. Losing yourself can happen to anyone, but I feel like it’s more prevalent in moms, whether you’re a new mom or an experienced mom. We wear so many “hats” at once, that it is hard to pick out what to do exactly with ourselves and our surroundings. We’ve gotta be patient with ourselves, as well as our spouse and our kids. It is hard, sometimes. But if we weren’t meant to be a mom, God wouldn’t have given us our children. There is always something to learn about ourselves, about being a mom and about being a wife. It may feel like we are losing ourselves, but we can’t give up. For our family and for ourself. ❤

Time at home

While being a stay-at-home mom, I have been able to do a lot! But it also doesn’t feel like I’ve done a lot! Know what I mean? We do so much, but then we look around, we feel accomplished for maybe two seconds, but then it also feels like we did nothing. The next day it looks exactly like it did before we cleaned it. Crazy, right?!

Mom life. But I also wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I love being a mom, and I love being home with my children. Although they may drive me crazy sometimes, I would do anything for them! They are my children. They are a part of me, a huge part of me!

And even though I may be productive around the home, I need to be productive in the home, as in with my children. There won’t always be toys to clean up, the kids will grow up, and they won’t want to give me as many hugs as they want to now. I will miss those times. Which is one of the many reasons I decided to stay home. Time lost is time that you cannot get back. I’ve lost so much time with my kids this last year, and it’s not going to happen again. Not as long as I can help it, anyway. 🙂

Being away from my kids is hard. Especially this last year. I know people will probably judge us for how we did what we did, but it was all we could think of at the time that didn’t cost us our paychecks. Did it still suck? YES! Absolutely. Would I do it again? I don’t know. I guess if I had to, but not because I wanted to. Yes, my husband and I had time together throughout the week, but I still would’ve rather had our kids with us. I’m so thankful to have them home with us now!

What do I do with the kids at home? Well, we have breakfast in the morning, let the kids play with their hundreds of toys that they have. I do let them have their kindles for a little while. Yes, I’m that kind of mom. It helps sometimes. It keeps them still, and allows me to get some things done without them needing something every five seconds! They are usually still in the same room with me though, or as I walk back and forth between rooms, depending on what I’m doing. And sometimes, they will offer to help me, again, depending on what I’m doing! 😀

Then when hubby gets home from work, sometimes he goes back outside and works some more (on vehicles and what not). Then I will try to figure out what to cook for dinner. And we go from there. Then after dinner, we usually just chill, maybe watch something on the TV or watch a movie. Last night, we watched AquaMan! We like the Marvel/DC movies, Star Wars, LOTR, and all those kinds of movies! But if you were to ask me, while I do love those series, I also love romance/mystery, chick flicks! My hubby doesn’t watch those with me too often though! Every blue moon, he may watch one, but not very often!

What kind of movies/series do you like to watch? I like something that the whole family can watch! Which our kids are still pretty young, but there’s still some things that we can all enjoy watching together! Disney movies (the older ones), PIXAR movies, all the good old movies like that! I also like comedies, or romantic comedies! TV shows like Psych is a good one, which isn’t too bad, I can watch it in front of the kids. it’s not super graphic or anything!

Then we all go to bed, and do it all again in the morning! 🙂 I love my little family though! Wouldn’t trade them for anything! Not even my husband! 😛 We have our moments, but he is the best and I don’t know what I would do without him! He’s a great supporter of us and my goals, and that is something I love about him!

If there is anything else you want to read or know about on my blog, or have any questions, feel free to comment or send me a message! ❤

I finally feel like a mom again!

Being a stay-at-home mom – why? And why does it get so much shame from other people? Good question! I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Not because I didn’t want to work. I still want to be able to work from home and have an income while staying home with my children. But even though many moms nowadays are staying home with their kids while making money to take care of their husband and kids, they still get shamed. And it’s ridiculous, in my opinion. Everyone thinks that moms who stay home with their kids while the husband goes to work every day to provide for their family (whether the mom makes money at home or not), that they do nothing at home all day.

Well, guess what? Moms do EVERYTHING at home. They clean the house, they do the dishes, they do the laundry, they take care of the dogs (if there are any), they take care of the children, they cook the food. Is that called nothing to everyone? Plus, all while saving money by not having the children in childcare/daycare. Because trust me, I used to work in a daycare, multiple actually, and they are not cheap. It would take most of one of the spouses paycheck, so basically it would be like living on one income, anyway.

Not everyone knows everyone’s situation. But for a very long time, just because of the way things worked, we didn’t see our kids much during the week, because I had gone from part-time to full-time at my job. Because we thought we were going to have a friend of ours help. Well, that friend kinda bailed on us, and I was already full-time at my job, so we had to figure out something quick. Well, my in-laws offered to watch them, which was great and everything, but because of how it worked out, they kept them during the week, and we got them on the weekends because my husband didn’t work on Saturdays, so even if I did work, he would be home with them. Don’t get me wrong, we are thankful to our in-laws for keeping them, but it was very hard on us. Very hard.

Well, we missed having our kids home during the week. We were tired of being weekend parents and literally feeling like ‘grandparents’ almost. We didn’t even feel like we were a mom or a dad anymore. Literally. Is that how a parent is supposed to feel? NO! I did not feel like I was a mom, even though I am one. We barely saw our kids. Yes, we could go see them, but with how expensive gas was/is, and how early my husband gets up for work, we didn’t want to get the kids up that early. That’s why we had the plan in the previous paragraph.

So a little bit ago, I decided to stay home. Talked to my husband about it, we both agreed. I have things I’m working on on the side, which I will talk about in other blog posts, but that is for another blog post! Not this one! 🙂 I could go on and on about what I’ve heard and seen people say about stay-at-home moms. And now that I am one (not my first time but still), I can’t take it. Moms do SO much. For their kids. For their husbands while away at work.

I want to be the kind of stay-at-home mom, that with my side hustles and the money I make from them, to be able to take the kids out during the day, to the park, to a bookstore, to wherever the kids want to go for a little while. And on the weekends, it’s hard because that’s when everyone goes and it’s a lot more busier. I want to be able to spend TIME with my family. Because TIME is something we cannot get back. And we already missed 9-10 months of that, and we are not doing that again. It killed me. I would literally break down to my husband and just cry because we missed our kids. Yes, we could facetime them, but that is not how we want to see our own kids.

So yes, I’m making a blog about stay-at home moms, because we need to stop the mom-shaming. If a mom stays home with her kids, she gets shamed for not helping financially. If a mom goes to work full-time, she gets shamed for not spending more time with her kids. Are you getting it yet? Long story short – there is no pleasing everyone. So do what is best for you and your family. Don’t worry what everyone else thinks you should be doing. They are not you. They don’t know what is best for you and your family.

Yes, we need to get a house, we currently live in a trailer. But I would rather have that time with my kids, and have to wait a little longer to get a house. As I said earlier, time that I’ve missed with my kids, I will never get that back. There will always be a house at some point, that we can get. I’d rather have that time with my kids and with my family. It irks me when someone mentions something about working and uses that tone and gives me that look because they know that I stay home now. Like, yes, I may not be working right now, but I am spending time with my kids. And that is fine with me.

What is a Stay-at-home mom? It is “someone who may or may not have left the workforce to stay home and raise her children. She may be highly educated and left a six-figure job to stay home. She may be planning on returning to the workforce once her children are older.” No, I didn’t even leave a six-figure job to stay home, if I did, then I’m sure I could definitely find a way to still work that job from home. But anyway, not the point. Is it a sacrifice? Yes. Is it a worthy sacrifice? Also, yes. Do we need to mom-shame those who stay home with their kids? NO. We need to stop it. Right. Now. Do we feel guilty sometimes for not working full-time outside the home for a semi-stable paycheck? Maybe. But we do not regret the time spent with our kids.

To be able to enjoy these moments with my kids, is everything. And I would not trade it for anything. I have the cutest kids! I have the most beautiful family! Not that I’m biased or anything! 😛

This picture was taken last year, but I’m so grateful for my little family!❤️

What Being A Mom Means to Me

When I found out I was pregnant the first time, I was shocked. I didn’t know what to think. I was excited, but I was nervous. I didn’t think I’d be able to do it; the pregnancy, the labor and then being the mom part. I was 22 when I got pregnant, which isn’t super young, but some prefer to wait a little longer. I always dreamed of being a mom, but never thought it would happen when it did. I’m glad it did though!

This was the week that I found out I was pregnant with our first child!

It was June 25th, 2017, when we officially found out we were pregnant. If it hadn’t been for Brandon’s dog, we wouldn’t have known for awhile, till I started getting bigger and gaining weight. It was the easiest pregnancy. But then again, it was only my first one so I didn’t really have another to compare it to! I threw up once after eating a Subway breakfast sandwich. The other times I threw up was from being in shock that I was pregnant and couldn’t believe it.

I am about 36 weeks pregnant here, I believe!

Then 40 weeks and 5 days later, our precious daughter of 7lbs and 1oz. appeared! She was 5 days past her due date! Of course, she’s a girl so she had to be fashionably late! 😛 And then she decided to get stuck; she really didn’t want to come out yet! 😀 So we went to emergency c-section. She came out just fine and healthy and that’s what mattered!

And here is our little girl and her daddy cutting the umbilical cord! ❤
And our first family picture!

Being a girl mom is fun and I love it! I love being a mom! I remember when she could first say “I love you”, it melted our hearts. It still does, four years later.

And then about a year and a half later, we are pregnant again! We find out the week of my birthday that I am pregnant, I had a feeling I was pregnant, and then we found out for sure on October 25th, 2019! Being a mom to one child was great and fun and yet, still tiring, and here we were about to have a second child to be able to chase around!

This was taken on my birthday when I suspected that I was pregnant!
An almost side picture so you can see! 🙂

This pregnancy was a lot more difficult than the first. Shocking, right?! 😛 This was at the beginning of the pandemic, before everything shut down. So it was hard to find a job, and when I did get a job, it was hard to work. Because of where he was laying and how he was laying, he was on some sort of nerve or something, so just about every time I moved, it hurt. I was in a lot of pain. So after just a few weeks of having a job, I had to quit because it was too painful. The job I was working at didn’t really care about the employees, either.

35 weeks pregnant here!

But with this one, we had a scheduled c-section because of the first one and they didn’t want to risk anything happening. I wanted to do a natural birth, but wasn’t able to. It’s okay though, he came out healthy and beautiful just like our first!

C-sections are hard. They are not the easy way out. It’s harder on the moms too, because even though some are scheduled, you still cannot hold your baby after they cut the baby out of you. I thought that since it was a scheduled one this time, I would. I didn’t get to see him, until after they’d cleaned him up and everything. I bawled when I saw him. He literally looked perfect. And I could still only see him a minute before they had to take him back and do some more stuff.

Here he is, after I got to hold him finally, in our room!

Our beautiful baby boy, at a whopping 8lbs and 13oz. He was definitely a big boy! And the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen! Still is! He is a complete mama’s boy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! ❤ I love having a mama’s boy!!

This was our first picture with Oliver with both Mommy and Daddy!

We were so excited to be going to our room with our son. And we couldn’t wait to get home and have him meet his big sister!

She loves her little brother! ❤

I have loved watching them grow up! I also hate watching them grow up! Sometimes I want them to just stay little forever! But I know that they can’t. They are best friends right now, and I hope they stay best friends and that they will protect each other!

So what does it meant to me to be a mom?! It means everything to me. Some days are harder than others. Some days, I just want to crawl into a corner and cry. Some days, you’d think I have all my ducks in a row, and I actually would. Not very often, but sometimes! 😛 I love being a mom! Do I need a break sometimes still? Yes. But I wouldn’t trade my children for anything! ❤

Days can be super hard sometimes. I’ve been struggling recently with different things, and it can affect how I am a mom to our kids. I shouldn’t let it, but sometimes I do. Life is hard. I post the happy moments, but that does not mean that every moment is happy. No one likes to post the sad and depressing moments, because usually they are trying to get attention. If I post something about life being hard or what not, it’s to show that life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine – life can hurt. Life can sometimes suck! 😛 But we keep going and we don’t give up. And my reason why is in the picture below (and pictures above).

Happy Mother’s Day!
And if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out to me! We are here for each other! Us, moms, gotta be there for each other! ❤

Goals: are we really trying to reach them?

I have had so many goals in life. Have I hit many of them? Maybe a few, but I usually stop in the middle and do something else. Is anyone else like that or is it just me? One of my goals, though, is to inspire and encourage. I would love to be possibly even be a motivational speaker or writer! It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate speaking in large groups of people. I’m okay in smaller groups, but with practice, I would get better and more comfortable with it. Right!?

So many times we’ll see posts about someone trying to reach a certain goal or trying to encourage someone to not be afraid to even have goals. But do you ever wonder if that person is really doing their own work to reach their own goals, or do you feel like they are only posting to get seen and the “likes” of social media? In all honesty, I can probably say that I’ve been both. I had intentions to reach my goals, but I also made unreachable goals for myself, knowing that I probably wouldn’t make them, so I wouldn’t feel so bad about myself when I didn’t make them. But you got to start small. With everything, really. Then you can move on to the bigger goals. Have big goals for yourself, yes! But start small, so you don’t overwhelm yourself and then get down in the dumps to where you don’t want to do anything anymore.

Trust me. I’ve been there. When I make posts about goals and reaching your goals, I am 100% backing myself up too. I am working on reaching those goals. Right now, they are mostly financial goals. Trying to pay things off, raise my credit more, so that we can be more “relaxed” financially. So we can actually do things and go places with the kids! We want to be the ones to take our kids to their first trips to wherever it may be, the water park, amusement parks, the movie theater even. 😛

I have these financial goals so that I and my husband can be better parents for our kids! We feel like failures as parents because we can’t afford to go anywhere with them. Yes, you can always make more money, but right now, it’s still super tight even for that. I’m back to work now, but it’s still only part-time because it works with my husband’s schedule and we definitely cannot afford daycare/childcare. So we are doing what we have to now, so that we can do more with our children. We wish we could do that now, but unfortunately we can’t. We have so many plans for next year, we are hoping and praying that next year will be our year! We are working on our financial goals now, but it takes time. And hopefully by this time next year, hopefully sooner, we will be at least be in a lot better place financially than we are now! ❤

What are the goals that you have for yourself? Do you have any? I encourage you to write them down! Put them on sticky notes/post-it notes, and put them on your mirror, on your walls, on your refrigerator so you will see them throughout the day. They can be a reminder for you! You can even put your why for those goals! Such as, your family, or whatever it may be.

My WHY is my family 110%!!!! I want to BE better for my family, I want to DO better for my family. I want to GIVE better to my family.

What is something that you can do better for yourself or your family?! I would love to hear your thoughts, your goals and your why!!!!!

What kind of Friend are you?

I’m the kind of friend that will invest all of me into my friends. But if I need help or want to tell someone something exciting that I’ve decided to do or am thinking about doing, I don’t get the same kind of response. Or even close. It’ll be like “why?” “What for?” and that hurts. When they text or tell me something, I’m super excited for them, but when I tell them something, I get the opposite. I get the feeling that I’m a failure. And that isn’t how we should be talking to our friends. That’s not the kind of friends that we should be.

I don’t have very many close friends that I can just text at any time anymore. I used to have so many friends. Or I thought I did. But after awhile, I realized they were just using me because they knew what kind of friend I am (read above in case you don’t remember). If one of my friends is sick, I will get them or make them soup to help them feel better. If someone mentions something that they’ve wanted to eat for awhile but just never have gotten around to it, I will go out and get that food, or whatever it may be. I am the kind of friend that will go out of my way for you. Even if I can’t exactly afford it, that is how I am.

The rest of the this year and the rest of my life (haha), I am working on being better with money, except a few things here and there like birthdays and holidays and such, of course! But anyway, I will still be there for my friends, but I am trying to be smarter with my money and watching where it all goes! I will probably do another blog post on all that since this one is about friends and what kinds of friends we are.

There are ten types of friends you will have throughout your lifetime. First, is obviously your first friend – someone you’ve known for a long time. Sometimes a first friend is a forever friend, someone you’re able to grow with and tackle any obstacles you encounter together. Often times a first friend is someone you’re still able to keep in your life, even if it’s more from afar. They were there for so many pivotal moments and you love being able to reminisce together, even if you don’t talk all that much anymore. You know that no matter what they will be there, as if you have been together the whole time or were never apart!

Second – a fairweather friend – someone who is only there for the good stuff. Once it gets hard or you stop doing things for them, they’re gone. They want to hear about the cute thing your dog did or the promotion you just got, but they’re not someone you confide in when it comes to the heavy stuff. They are basically a surface-level friend. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you’re realistic about what the friendship is. If you’ve tried confiding in them about more emotional stuff and they’re always a bit standoffish, but they don’t hesitate to come to you with their own emotional stuff, then you may want to reevaluate things. I’ve had these kinds of friends before. They didn’t last too long. There’s nothing wrong with surface-level relationships as long as they’re even. Don’t give more than you’re getting back.

Third – the fake friend – Pretty self-explanatory.
This is the person in your life who you refer to as a friend in conversation but is really more of an acquaintance, and even that is probably being generous. You don’t really trust them, and you probably never have. Remember, you don’t have to be friends with someone if you don’t want to be, even if you’re in the same group or you have to see them a lot. You can keep things pleasant, of course, but you don’t have to make an effort one on one. You can choose who you’re close to. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s why people say I’m different around certain people, they think I’m being fake. I’m not being fake, I’m just different around certain people. I can be more adventurous with one friend than I can with another, because the other friend isn’t as adventurous or they’re too scared or something. That doesn’t mean I’m being fake!

Next – the fun friend – A fun friend is probably more of an acquaintance.
They’ve always got something going on, and when you’re together, it’s all about the fun. Can you be serious with this person, or do they try to make everything a joke? Which is fine, but sometimes you need to be serious, you can’t turn everything into a joke. You need to be real.

The fierce friend – This is the friend who you know will always have your back. Even if you’re not always as close in the day-to-day moments, they’re there when it counts. They have a strong moral compass and definitely aren’t afraid to use it to help keep you on the right track. They’re fierce when it comes to defending you, but they’re also fierce when it comes to making sure you confront the issues within yourself too. They’ll tell you if they think you’re wrong, and they’d also probably egg a car in your honor. It goes both ways.
This kind of friend, I have very few of. And that is okay. I don’t want a hundred friends, most likely because very few of them will be “close” friends. I don’t want a big number of friends, I want real friends that I can talk to and that I know will be there for me, and vise versa. A fierce friend is a great person to have in your corner, but try to make sure it goes both ways and reciprocate that energy when you can. Even the fierce need to be taken care of sometimes, too. I feel like I am the fierce friend sometimes, and I do everything for them, but when I need something, I get nothing back. And that’s also hard. So be careful with that. As I said, even the fierce need to be taken care of sometimes, too.

The For Now friend – A for now friend is someone who you already know isn’t going to stick around for the long run. Circumstance brought you together, but you’re very aware that it won’t be enough forever. When you look at your life 10 years from now, you probably don’t see this person still being someone you see or talk to regularly. Enjoy the moments you have with them though. Who knows, you may have been in that person’s life for a specific reason, even if it wasn’t for a very long time!

The Fickle friend – This friend runs very hot and cold. One day it feels like you’re best friends and the next thing you know they’ve distanced themselves. One minute they love you and the next they’re mad at you. You often feel like you have whiplash from trying to keep up. I’ve learned it’s especially tricky to deal with fickle friends if they’re not super willing to talk about things as they come up. A problem can only be fixed if both people are willing to address it.
I am always there for my friends. I hate talking about my problems because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I don’t know if that makes me seem fickle to some people, but if I seem quiet or seem like I don’t have any troubles in my life, this is why. I’m not being fickle, just don’t want to burden others.

The Familiar friend – A familiar friend is someone who you were probably super close to at one point, and even though you aren’t as close anymore, they’re still in your life. I bet when you think of the familiar friend archetype someone immediately comes to mind. I think it’s the type a lot of us can relate to the most. It’s ok to keep a familiar friend around, as long as it’s not holding us back or stunting our growth. Sometimes we hold on to friends longer than we’re meant to because letting go would be painful, even if we know it’s the right thing to do.

The Flaky friend – This is the friend who you have to make plans with six times before something finally sticks. Who says they want to hang out but then doesn’t make an effort to make it happen and often doesn’t provide an explanation as to why. They can also be flaky emotionally, too, all in on helping you through something one minute, and then suddenly they leave you hanging.
I’ve felt like this many times. Not my being the flaky friend, but having them. Trying to plan to get together, and then something comes up, which I completely understand, it’s just hard when it happens a lot.
Sometimes, when someone is struggling mentally, it can translate into flakiness. We cancel plans or make promises we can’t keep because we’re in a really bad spot and we don’t know how to handle it. I certainly know I’ve been there before. And they have those days too. Don’t get upset because someone changes your plans or cancels, just check on them. Make sure they are okay, and if they need something, you can help out. But again, remember, don’t let them take advantage of you, but still be there in a way! If that makes sense!

Finally, the Forever friend! A forever friend is someone that you know will be around forever. It’s just the bond you have. You’ve been in each other’s lives for a while, and through all the ups and downs, you’ve been committed to working to make sure your bond stays strong. Even when you fight or disagree, there’s no doubt in your mind that you’ll always get through it. Your friendship isn’t perfect; it’s real.
Obviously this friend is a keeper, but remember, just because you know they’ll be around forever isn’t an excuse to stop working on the relationship. Even forever friendships need growth and maintenance. Try not to take them for granted. This goes along with marriage too. Just because you are married and marriage is for forever (or it should be anyway), don’t take your spouse for granted! Still go on dates! Get to know them more! There is always something more to learn about them! Trust me! 🙂

Some of these friendship types probably overlap. You may have currently or have had in the past friends who fall into more than one type. It’s bound to happen. Sometimes I’m not quite sure which people in my own life fall into which categories. That’s ok, as long as I stay aware of how each relationship fits into my life. But be sure that you are being the right kind of friend! Out of the ten types above, do you fall into any of the categories/types? Be honest with yourself! It’s hard, I know! And if you do, learn how to improve!

In my next blog, I will talk about what type of friends that we need in our life! If you have read this far, I appreciate you very much! And I hope you are enjoying my blog! Feel free to subscribe to my blog so you can see when the next blog publishes! 🙂

Why I do what I do!

There are so many things that I have tried to do. Because of all the things I’ve tried in the last few years, I feel like people look at me differently. I feel like that is also one of the reasons that no one “supports” me in my side hustles/businesses. It makes me feel like they don’t support me. Just because I’ve tried so many things. But that shouldn’t keep you from supporting someone you know. Do you know how that feels? To have no support at all? I feel like I’ve lost so many friends and acquaintances in the last few years for so many reasons. I don’t know if it’s because of me exactly, because I’ve changed since being a mom or what. Which I have, my priorities have changed since being a mom. My family is that priority. My family and finding a way to support them and pay our bills. It is a struggle. We are working to pay off some things so that we don’t have to worry as much about money. That is honestly all I want. I want to have things paid off, so that we can actually do things together, go to amusement parks and take vacations without feeling guilty for something. We would like a house someday. But when you have so many things to pay off, it doesn’t look good.

I love to write. I wish I could make writing as a career, but it takes time and I’m not good with all the formatting and everything! 😛 If I could just write everything and then have someone else format it and everything, I’d be all set! But alas, I can’t! Plus, I wouldn’t know what to write. I have so many ideas, so many stories that I could write but I’m horrible with the details in between. I know what would happen, but I’m not good with the dialogue part and all that. That’s why I’m trying to do a blog. It’s not as much, in a way. It still takes time, but not as much because it’s not as long as a novel! 😛 I have written some long blogs but still not nearly as long as a novel! But if I could do writing blogs as a career and get paid for it, that’d be great! Maybe someday! If any of you have any tips for that, let me know!

I need to have a set time that I write. I want to write my blogs at least once a week, maybe twice, but at least once a week! If I could do this and have a steady income, that would be my dream! My dream job is to be able to work from home with a stable/good income. To not have to ask off work for something whether it’s personal, medical or whatever it may be, that would be amazing. That is the reason that I tried so many side businesses such as Monat, Arbonne, and now Thirty-One. Those are the businesses that I’ve worked the most on out of all the businesses that I’ve tried. And still nothing.

Not many people know this, and one of the reasons that not many people know is because when I tell people something that I’m doing, I get little to no support from them. I’ve been told I post a lot to social media. But if y’all really knew all the pictures and videos I take, you wouldn’t say that I post a lot! Just saying. I feel like that is a HUGE reason that people take pictures and videos is just to post them on social media. Which yes, it’s great to show pictures of your adorable kids and what not, but that is not what life is about. To see how many ‘likes’ or ‘shares’ you get. While all that is great, that is what we are putting on acceptance and our self-esteem on. That is why there is so much depression, well one of the reasons.

Anyway, I got off track! Something that I’m doing that very few people know, is that I’m in school again. People think that I can’t decide what I want to do with my life because of all the different things that I’m doing. But actually, I do know what I want to do. My ultimate goal for work is to be able to work from home with a stable income. Not something that depends on sales and what not, unless I have my own business, my literal own business, because that would be different! But anyway, again, I am currently in school again. Funny thing is, we’ve tried to tell a couple people in the family and they didn’t even listen. Honestly, I was going to keep it a secret till I was completely done and never tell anyone till I was done. But I could use prayers with it all. We have so much going on and so many goals that we are trying to reach in the next year, we could use all the prayers we can get! I am currently in school getting my MBA, a dual cognate, in Strategic Media and Digital Content and Executive Coaching. I am very excited and nervous at the same time!

And then I want to post something to inspire people and motivate people, and then people will ask if I’m okay. Guess what? I am. I can post something to inspire and motivate others while being okay. It may say something about what I’ve gone through or possibly going through at the time, but that doesn’t mean that I am not okay. I’ve been told by multiple people that they’ve seen things I post and they ask someone close to me, if I’m okay. When they could just ask me themselves, or just not worry about it in general. Probably like this blog post, they will probably think the same thing, “Is Stacie okay?” To answer your question, yes, I’m doing great. Things a little stressful right now, but I am okay. So no need to worry! This may all seem like I’m being selfish, but in this case, I’m not trying to be selfish, I’m just trying to clarify things and let others know that if they are worried about me, they can ask me themselves and not go to others asking them if I’m okay because of something that I posted. I’m tired of people making their own assumptions and then that’s how rumors and such get started.

When I post things, it is to encourage others, not to bring attention to me unless it’s something that I’m proud of accomplishing or something. Or when I post my family. I love my family, so yes, I am going to post them a lot! Anyway, sorry for the long blog post today! Hope you have a great week and weekend! 🙂

Take care!