Surrogacy is a beautiful thing. Needless to say, that doesn’t mean that surrogacy is easy. I am now on my second journey, and it is much different than my first. Some people think that surrogacy isn’t “work”. Well, guess what? It is! Very much! While yes, I may be getting paid for it, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard work. Some people say “Well, you signed up for it!” or “I thought you liked being pregnant?” and some other things that doesn’t need to be repeated. I’ve had nice/good things said about me and to me, and I’ve also had mean/rude things said about me and to me. And I’m sure there are some that are being said about me, but not to me. Everyone is going to have their opinions on everything – whether it’s about surrogacy, how you parent your children, motherhood, or whatever it may be.
While yes, I did sign up for this, does that mean that I can’t vent or talk about it with people? It ‘s like any other “job”. Everyone complains about their jobs, some even hate their jobs; but when I say one thing about how “hard” my “job” is – being pregnant and carrying someone else’s baby, my thoughts and feelings are still as valid as someone who “signed up” and applied for the job that they now have. I’m tired of people, even those close to me, saying “Well, you signed up for this.” Yes, I did. That doesn’t mean you can down me on everything I say about it, or when I may “complain or vent” about it. Do you like everything about your job? Probably not!
My first surrogacy journey, I felt cared for. Not just by my husband and kids, but by the parents of that baby. I didn’t feel alone. This time around? I feel very alone, besides my husband and my mom and even my siblings! Otherwise, I feel very alone. Surrogacy is looked at so many ways, some people look down on it, because you’re being paid to carry a baby for someone else. It is not paying for the baby. While sorta, it is not paying for the baby. A couple is unable to carry their own baby, for whatever health reason it may be – they try everything, nothing works and then it gets dangerous for them to carry themselves. So there is surrogacy. Yes, I signed up for it. If you don’t like surrogacy, then don’t sign up for it. It’s as simple as that. That doesn’t mean you have to denigrate that person for choosing it, or for being the surrogate.
I signed up for Surrogacy the first time, because I was having so many friends have fertility issues and they couldn’t get pregnant, even though that was something that they really wanted. They wanted their own family, their miracle baby. So much so, that they were willing to have someone else carry that baby for them. Whether they paid them or not. Not everyone gets paid for it, and that is by their choice, they can waive that part of it. So I did some research into surrogacy and found an agency and applied to be a surrogate and decided to see what would happen. So almost 5 years later, here I am on my second and final surrogacy journey. While it may not have been the type of journey that I would’ve wanted to end my surrogacy ‘life’ on, that is okay. I am still doing something wonderful for someone else. I felt appreciated for giving that first couple a baby that they’ve been wanting for so long. I still get pictures and videos from the family. Yesterday, I got a text with some pictures that he had just gotten his first haircut! It was great! I love that I was able to help them have their miracle baby!
This journey – while very different in many ways, I am still helping a couple who is unable to carry their own baby. They may not be treating me very well and that is why some people look down on surrogacy. Treating them like a business transaction and not like someone who is going through all of this to give you your miracle baby. My first journey went really well, no issues, other than my water breaking at 36 weeks! Baby was fine though, and he was born at 8lbs 2oz! So he was fine! In the NICU for a few days, but he was able to go home within a few days, after observation! He is doing great now! Learning and growing so much! You can read about that in another blog post of mine, if you’re interested! It’s My Surrogacy Birth Story!
This time, I will probably never get pictures or videos, let alone a text, from this couple. I will never get updates about this baby girl. Is that sad? Oh yeah, but it happens. It is not what I wanted, and not what I specified in our profile, but people make mistakes and don’t look at everything like that. Nothing I can do about it now. All I can do is take care of their baby the best that I can. Because no matter how they are treating me, I am still carrying a baby – a human being. This baby girl matters! We are almost to 27 weeks. I don’t want to mention it, but as I feel this baby moving, quite a lot at times – some people want to end babies lives all the way up till birth/full term. How crazy is that? But that is all I will say on that. I could say so much more, but I won’t. Not right now anyway, maybe another time.
No matter how far along you are, that is a human being! So yes, even though I am being treated like just the carrier of their baby, not like a human myself, I am still going to take care of this baby! Again, while someone is reading that, they are thinking “Well, you signed up for it!” Think about that for a minute. Does that sound like something nice to say to someone? Whether it’s about surrogacy or something else. No, it’s not. I’m not being treated the best at the moment (by multiple people), and people feel like they need to say something so condescending as that? Surrogacy is hard work. I could say something else (not related to surrogacy), but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. And no, this isn’t what I was going to say, but Life is hard work. Some people have it harder than others, that is because of the choices that they have made, and guess what? “They signed up for that!” because of the choices that they made! Our choices have all led us to where we are today. Some are better off than others, yes, but that doesn’t mean that we need to belittle them for being different and not doing things the way that we want them to.
My husband and I don’t do everything that everyone else does or likes. Not everyone likes everything that we do, such as surrogacy and whatever else. I have the support of my husband and family, and that is what matters to me! We get belittled a lot for all kinds of things. But guess what? Those people don’t pay our bills, so everyone’s opinion doesn’t exactly matter in that way. I’m not trying to be rude or anything, there’s just not exactly a nice way of saying that. We are not to be controlled, we are not robots. We aren’t going to do what everyone else wants or likes. Everyone is going to have an opinion, whether they voice it directly to you or not. And sometimes, you can tell things about people without hearing them say anything, you can see it on their face or their body language. Silence sometimes, if not most of the time, says so much more than words do. It’s much louder too! Isn’t that ironic?
Anyway, I know I try to have this written earlier in the week and it is now Friday, I am sorry about that, it’s been…hectic to say the least. And sometimes, even though there is something you want to say, you know you shouldn’t. But sometimes, it still needs to be said because I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels like this, whether it’s about surrogacy or something else. Also, it’s almost 4am. I’ve been awake since about 2:30am, so about 3am, I just got up and came to write. Some of these things needed to be said, and I had some quiet time to think about it and what I wanted to be said and how I could say things in the nicest way I could think of!
Anyway, Happy Friday and hope you have a great weekend! 🙂
