I had my birthday a couple weeks ago. I turned 32. The 30’s have not been easy. We did buy our first house shortly before I turned 31. But other than that, the 30’s have been rough! I won’t go into too much detail, but it’s been rough. And with being a surrogate a second and final time, this pregnancy has been rough. With having to take it easy and be on light duty, which if you know me is hard to do. I like doing nothing, but I also like being busy and getting things done.
I wasn’t sure that I was going to make a blog post regarding my birthday and turning a year older. I’m not exactly an exciting person! 😛
You know you have this vision, this dream of what you want to have accomplished by the time you turn 25, 30, etc…how many of us really accomplish those goals and dreams? If we had money, maybe. But not everyone is able to be rich. Yes, with time and work, that can happen. (Or being famous and basically blowing all the money on a mansion when they are probably hardly even there and having multiple homes in multiple countries.)….But again, that takes a lot of time and if you have a family, you don’t want to miss out on everything with them…so some, if not all, of those dreams get put on the back burner. Which some of them could include your family. But it’s hard to save money when everything changes all the time – prices go up, things get harder, so you have to work more or even get more than one job and then you still miss out on all that family time..plus childcare, which costs an arm and leg, and they barely pay the childcare workers hardly anything. Trust me, I know. I’ve worked in more than one childcare facility. They hardly pay anything, and yet charge the parents a ton for each child to be there. Does that make sense? Not really. Not to me anyway. But anyway, that’s not the point to this blog post! Sorry, went off the train track there! Nothing new for me though!
Something that I have learned in my 30’s already – is to have boundaries and to be firm with them. Not in a mean way, but just be firm in them. I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before, but I’ve been caring less and less about what people think of me. Besides my husband and my kids, of course. And when others get mad at me for telling them no about certain things, and make me the bad guy – I honestly don’t care anymore. If that’s what they need to do to make themselves feel better, than it’s whatever. But when it comes to my family (as in, my husband and my kids) – I am going to be firm in our life regarding boundaries that we have previously set, but are now being more firm in them, because I’m tired of being the “too nice” person that people know that they can take advantage of. I’m still going to be nice, but I’m also going to be firm in the boundaries that we have set for certain things. And again, I’m the bad guy for that, because I’m done letting people take advantage of me.
I feel very unseen to some people in my life. I don’t want to say certain things because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or offend anyone who may know people that I’m talking about or whatever it may be. Which is usually multiple people, not any one specific, depending on what it is, I guess. I may be done being the “too nice” person to say no to certain things, but I can still not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Because some things would be too easy to figure out.
I’m tired of being compared to other people, such as “so-and-so wants us to do this, why don’t you?” I’m tired of being guilt-tripped into things. We are own people, our own family. It’s hard to do that when everyone is telling you that you should do certain things because other people do. We are not those people. I know certain people don’t read my blogs, I believe it’s mostly people that I don’t even know. Which is sad and hard when it’s more ‘strangers’ that support than your family and/or extended family. Whether it’s on social media or not. I try to be a positive and optimistic person, but ever since my previous job and some people saying things, I’ve changed just a little. Not in a bad way, but being more present with my family and making memories with my family and being firm in our boundaries when we weren’t very firm before. But sometimes, you’ve just had enough and can’t stand it anymore. And even then, when you are firm in those boundaries, you can tell that those people are not happy with you and may or may not be able to tell certain things. But then again, probably not. Because they haven’t really seen me in a long time. So when I actually start being firm in what I say, it may surprise them. And that’s okay. I’m fine with that. I have grown the last few years and I’m tired of being seen as someone who will do what everyone else wants, just to make them happy. My family comes first. My husband (and me) and my kids.
I’m not trying to be a “Debbie downer” about all of this, or want everyone to think that they can’t talk to me or approach me or anything, I’m still going to be that friend that anyone can go to if they need someone to talk to. But if you talk to me only because you want or need something – I’m sorry not sorry. I know some people won’t like that, but I’m tired of being walked on and taken advantage of. I’m strong, but no one has been able to see it. And if you do read this and think I’m talking about you, then you may feel guilty about something whether it concerns me or someone else. Or you may not feel guilty and be completely oblivious about it all. It’s not exactly pointed towards anyone specific, I’m just tired of so many people through out my life taking advantage of me and my “niceness” and “sweetness”. Like I said earlier, I’m still going to be that nice and sweet person, but I’m done being taken advantage of and guilt-tripped into doing things just because someone else does it.
Anyway, if you did read this far without getting offended, thank you for reading! Until next time! I also meant to post this a couple weeks ago during my birthday week, but things got crazy, and was debating on whether to post or even write some of these things, because everyone gets offended by anything these days. Especially when it comes from someone who is usually so sweet and doesn’t tell you “no” to certain things, like me. I used to want to be liked/loved by everyone, but right now, I just care about my family liking/loving me. (hope that doesn’t sound too rude and conceited haha)!
Ta ta for now!
