Please don’t let me disappear into the fog. While everyone wonders and wants to see and hold the baby – what about mom? What about everything she just went through, whether it was a natural vaginal birth or a c-section (whether it was planned or not). Moms go through so much during pregnancy and it doesn’t end after birth. Postpartum can be even harder than the pregnancy itself. From personal experience, this is very true. I rarely had people check up on me, outside of my parents, to be honest. I hope that when my daughter has her own children, although we are years away from that (haha), that I will be everything that I didn’t have after having my babies (and even my surro babes).
Which is also sad. Just because someone gives birth to a baby that isn’t hers (a surrogate), she still needs that postpartum care and check-ins. Just because she doesn’t have a newborn to care for, feed and have diaper changes, she still needs to know that she is thought about and cared for. And again, going back to the people who have told me “You chose to do that. You chose to be pregnant again and for someone else.” That doesn’t take away the fact that I am doing it and I still need to be checked on and showed that you still care about me. (No, I’m not talking about my husband!) So many times, I have felt like chopped liver, for lack of a better description. The kids are what it’s all about anymore, even now. Eight, almost nine, years later. We are expected to go out of our way for everyone else, but no one will go out of their way for us. Well, honestly, except my immediate family, I am done going out of my way for people and done being taken advantage of just because that’s the way I’ve always been.
Since high school, maybe even in middle school, I let people walk all over me. And on into my grown up adult years and even while I’ve been married, and I am done with it. That may sound “bad” or “harsh”, but I am tired of people thinking that I will do whatever they want, within reason of course. But that I won’t say my own opinion and just take what they say or what they want and just do it – I am done with that now. I am speaking up for myself (and my family), and not caring what others think about it and/or me and my family. I already know some people may or may not have noticed this somewhat, but whether they have or not, I don’t know, but I’m done caring when it comes to my mental health and my family. If my mental health isn’t where it needs to be, how am I going to take care of my family, or even myself for my family.
Funny thing is, though, is that many of these people saying these things to me (or other women) ARE other women who have gone through pregnancy and being a mom too. How are moms shaming other moms? Some things I get, I was a social worker and some of the cases I had and heard about, yeah – some of those were like “how could a mom do that to her kids?” and “how can a mom…etc”? and even some of those things can be their own fault due to whatever it is. Some moms don’t try very hard for whatever reason – could be that they didn’t have the support that they should’ve had from their own families, or it could be drugs or whatever it may be. Either way, it was a choice that was made. Everything happens because a choice was made. We need to think about the choices we make. Even now, the choices we make now affects our children and grandchildren down the road.
During a lot of my postpartum life (which honestly never really stopped, because of timing of having another baby and such), I have felt very alone. My mom was one of the very few to really ask how I was doing every day, and not just the baby. Which of course is what a mom should do. And I hope that if one day, my children do decide to have their own children, I will be there for my daughter and my son’s wife, and not just my grandchild(ren).
Life is hard enough as it is, postpartum shouldn’t be harder. Especially because you feel so alone. And so many moms anymore feel alone. They see so many other people talking about their villages, when they don’t even have one friend to reach out to for help. We need more genuine friendships and even family relationships that want to do something for someone else without expecting something back. That is what all the world is today. If I do something for you, what will you do for me? Not everything has to be like that. And then if someone is nice to someone else, they think they want something, but that’s not always the case.
I was raised to be nice and to help others. It didn’t mean that I wanted something in return. I was just being nice. Or it was being taken as flirting which also got on my nerves. Which can also still be taken as flirting even now, which also gets on my nerves. But anyway, sorry! I always seem to go off on another topic that I don’t intend to!
In conclusion, don’t forget about the mama’s. They need love and care too. No matter how they gave birth. C-section is giving birth. But that’s for another blog post! 😛
Thank you for reading and until next time!
