How has it already been a year since I gave birth to a baby that wasn’t even mine? Yes, you read that right. I was a surrogate. Was it hard at times, yes. Would I do it again? Also, yes. It was quite the journey! Very memorable and sometimes hard, but I would do it again!
What are some typical questions I got as a surrogate? I got a few, such as, I got asked about my emotions with having to give the baby up and feeling attached. I got asked if I knew the family. Asked about how the kids are taking it, my cravings, etc. To answer a few of them here, the kids took it pretty well! And as it progressed, they loved it! They both loved feeling him move inside me. I even got some videos and sent it to the parents – they loved it also! When asked at the store “Is Mommy having a baby brother or sister?” Anna would respond with “No, she’s carrying a baby for someone else who can’t.” Which is a very grown-up and mature answer, if you ask me! I was very impressed with her!
So to be honest, I think having the mindset of “I know this baby isn’t mine, the baby doesn’t have any of my DNA helps a lot. While I do enjoy being pregnant, you still have all the symptoms. And while I didn’t really have terrible morning sickness with my kids, the surro pregnancy was worse in that department. I had horrible morning sickness, the “pregnancy cold” was 5x worse! But being able to feel that baby move inside and even though it wasn’t my baby – I don’t know, it made it even more beautiful and amazing! Knowing that I could carry a baby for someone else who couldn’t and that I WAS carrying a baby for someone else. If you had asked me if I ever saw myself doing something like this, I probably would’ve told you no, although that is the kind of person I am. I love to help others, and I feel like this is one of the ultimate ways to help someone.
When I think about the last 2.5 years and how we got here, it is crazy and beautiful! I applied to be a surrogate in September 2022, got accepted that same week. I had all the medical checkup appointments, and blood draws and all that. We got a potential match in January 2023, met them via Zoom beginning of February then we started the medical and mock trial for the embryo transfer. Everything went great! We finalized and signed the legal documents in July 2023. We got our tentative embryo transfer date for August 30th. Not many people knew what we were even doing. I know for something like this, you want to know you have the support of everyone you know and love. And while I did want that, I wanted to know it was a ‘for sure’ thing first before telling everyone, or anyone really. Very few people knew! We told my family that week of July after we signed the legal contract! We told my in-laws pretty much the week before the embryo transfer, I believe – since we needed someone to watch the children while we traveled for the embryo transfer!
Again, like anything “new”, not everyone will be supportive at first. Some people were hesitant, but as time went on, they got more supportive and checked on me during the pregnancy! It was new to me too! So after the embryo transfer, they want you to take it easy for a few days. We flew up to Pennsylvania for the Embryo Transfer. That is where the Intended Parents were living at the time. They now live in Utah to be closer to their family!
We spent most of the time in PA with the parents and getting to know each other. Since I would be carrying their baby, that is important! We got to know each other a little bit through the Zoom calls and our profiles, but nothing is as good as in person! We spent time with them at their house, they took us out to eat at one of their favorite places there in PA after the embryo transfer! I see quite a few surrogates get McDonald’s fries for “sticky” vibes, to help the baby stick and stay! While that is a cute and fun little thing to do – they wanted to take us somewhere that we don’t get too often or have back home. It was good! It was a little Thai restaurant, although I can’t remember the name of it! Sorry! A lot was going on at the time, the name of the restaurant wasn’t exactly first on my mind!
Anyway, fast forward to now, and we still have a relationship with the parents and little Malcolm! We still text every week and they send me pictures and videos and we even Facetime when schedules allow!
The relationship with the parents during and afterward also makes a huge difference in the journey! I love that I was able to do this for this couple and to grow a relationship with them and their baby! Did I grow attached to the baby? Maybe a little, but it only really hit me when we were saying goodbye to them to taking their new little miracle home and when they asked us to be Aunt and Uncle to the little one! That was when I lost it!
Here are a few pictures of the journey from then to now!
It is crazy to think about a year ago! We still had a whole month to go! But this little stinker was ready to come out and meet his mommy and daddy! And he is thriving! I’m so blessed that I was able to do this for someone and to have the relationship with them that we do! 🙂 If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!
Adventures Of Motherhood 