My Thoughts as a Mom

When I think of the last seven years as a mom, many things have gone through my mind from the moment we found out we were expecting our first child. Good things, bad things, sad things, happy things, all the things.

We have two beautiful children, and even though sometimes our oldest has quite the attitude, or doesn’t want to eat her food or whatever it may be, there are still those moments that I find myself just looking at her and thinking about how blessed I am to have her and our son. To be A mama and to be THEIR mama. I miss the baby phase where they just wanted to be held and close to their mama and daddy. In the case of my son, he just wanted his mama! Which everyone would always tell me that “Oh, just wait till you need to get some work done, and he won’t let you go.” Which is true, especially with him, he wouldn’t let me out of his sight! Seriously! He would sometimes let daddy hold him, but 99.9% of the time, he would only be happy with me, his mama! 100% mama’s boy! And I was completely okay with it! I loved it! As our daughter was all about Mimi and Papaw, I was glad to have one child be all about mama (and daddy, at times haha)!

Since I take so many pictures, there is always pictures and videos popping up on my memories of when they were little and it is a little depressing, just because they will never be that little again. But it is also great to see them growing and learning new things. To see those moments again, where they were first learning to crawl or walk, or say “mama” or “dada”! I miss those memories, but I’m so glad that I have all the pictures and videos to relive them again! Even if they do make me cry all over again!

And even during the good times, as a mom, I am thinking “Am I good enough?”, “Am I doing everything I can be…”, “Should I be doing this or that..?” I still have moments where I feel like a failure as a mom. Sometimes I lose my cool, and then I apologize to the kids for my outburst. Yes, even as parents, we sometimes need to apologize to our kids. We aren’t perfect, we can’t expect our children to be either. We are all learning, even still.

While my dream was to always be a mom, and I have now been a mom for seven years now, and am very thankful for my children, it’s not always easy. Which I knew it wasn’t, but you don’t really understand how hard something is until you do it or get there yourself.

As a child, growing up, you don’t really think about anything. You don’t have bills to think about, or what groceries are needed for the house, you don’t think about those things as a kid. When you get to be an adult and a parent, you realize what all your parents did and had to go through, and now it’s your turn. And. It. Is. Hard.

I find myself calling my mom almost every day. I didn’t have to think about calling my mom when I was a kid, because she was always there. But now I’m grown up, and don’t live close to my parents. Thing is, unless they’re not home, I usually Facetime them, instead of just a phone call. We have a love/hate relationship with technology, right? We love it because it allows us to see someone’s face even if they aren’t there in person. And we hate it because of all the bad things that are out there and you never know what you’re gonna see or read, sometimes. I’m thankful that I’m still able to facetime and “see” my parents and talk to them about things.

You always have a bad relationship with your parents as a young kid and teenager, but as you grow up into an adult and have your own family, you realize how much your parents were right and how much you need them. I didn’t always get along with my parents, but as a mom now, I realize how much my mom and dad did for me (and siblings, of course)! How much they had to go through and put up with. Life isn’t easy. I’m closer to my parents since I went off to college, in my last year there or so, and now, of course.

Anyway, my thoughts as a mom – they are all over the place, literally. I have good days and bad days, as we all do. But I know that if I need to, I can always call my mom. I’m super thankful for my mom and dad! And if you know me, you know they had to put up with a lot, just with me alone! And I have eight other siblings! But anyway, I guess my point of this blog is that no matter what, we all have these thoughts that we don’t think we are good enough or maybe our kids would be better off without us or whatever it may be. But I promise! If those kids were better off without you, God wouldn’t have given you that child(ren).

Some kids may be a surprise, but that doesn’t mean that they were an accident. It just means that God knew what we needed before we knew. That child could be what saved someone from killing themselves, or hurting themselves in general. Maybe someone was an alcoholic and then realized they were pregnant, and the baby made them rethink their life and do better for that child. Our first baby wasn’t exactly planned, but I wouldn’t change any of it for anything.

So just remember, you are loved and you are doing a great job, mama! Don’t give up! ❤