Don’t give up, Mama.

Do you ever feel like you’re losing yourself? Literally.

I may not have had a paying job for awhile and my husband was the only one bringing in money, and it’s been really tight and what not. But I can’t do everything at home and take care of the kids by myself. Even when he’s home on his off days, I still feel like I do absolutely everything.

And then when the grandparents have one of the children, I will sometimes go through the toys and sort them out and “get rid of” some of them so she won’t really know. And then she sees some of them again, and my husband says “why can’t she have it?”

Was she fine without it? Was she happy? Yes. It’s only when she sees it again, does she want it and cry for it. And then they all make it out like im a bad mom. Then I said “that’s why I do this when she’s not here.” And my husband took that as I wish we never had her. And that is NOT what I meant at all. I was talking about going through the toys and what not, when she’s not here, because it’s easier and she doesn’t see what I’m “getting rid of”….

Just because I didn’t have a paying job for a long time, does that mean that I do NOTHING at home??? Heck no! I still do everything at home. I may not cook all the time, 1) because Brandon likes to cook and 2) he’s a better cook than me. Does that make me a bad wife?

Moms need “time off” too. But do we get it? No. I love my kids. But sometimes I’d still like a break. If that makes me a bad mom, then fine. I guess I’m a bad mom.

Now I’m just locked in our bathroom, bawling my eyes out. And I don’t know what else to do. I feel like everything I do is wrong. I try to clean the house, but I do it the wrong way. I move something that I shouldn’t, my husband doesn’t like it or moves it back or whatever. I try to do side hustles, like network marketing, and my husband doesn’t support me. It’s hard to do anything as a side hustle to try to stay home and still make money, when you don’t get support, especially from your husband. So with every network marketing company I’ve tried, I’ve been a failure. I never got the support that all of my friends have with theirs and their husbands doing it with them. He says that all I want to do is be a stay at home mom.

While, yes, I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to work. That’s why I try doing the network marketing, to try to still bring in income. But it’s never worked for me. If I had the support, I may be encouraged to do more with it. But he makes me embarrassed to even try it. To even post about it.

Failing isn’t a bad thing, but in my case, it’s not a good thing. It’s making me depressed and it’s not a good thing.

I just want to have the support of my husband with whatever I try, whether it’s network marketing or whatever it may be. And lately, I haven’t had much. I’m not trying to bash my husband or anything. He has worked, while I didn’t and couldn’t find a job. And he lets me know that too. But he hasn’t been supportive either. And I hate to even say these things. But I’m not saying it to bash him or anything.

But husbands need to support their wives and vice versa. And I do, I tell him I’m proud of him and I tell him thank you. But I feel like as a wife and a mom, we are just expected to do these things. So why should we get any thanks or someone saying “I’m proud of you.” Even if it’s “hey, I’m proud of you for not giving up.” Because lately, it’s been hard.

Anyway, just pray for me, please. I do have a great husband, I just wish he’d be more supportive of me. I’m sure I’m not the only one with that, but right now I feel like I am.

Thanks. ❤️