I wish you didn’t exist. I never thought I would battle with depression. I always tried to be happy, and thought I was a happy-go-lucky person. I always tried to be optimistic with everything. Even when people showed me that they weren’t who they said they were or pretended to be, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. I have been hurt so many times because of that.
I do not have very many close friends. I have very few actually. I am a very trusting person until you give me a reason not to trust you. I have been working on that, but I still manage to trust people and tell them too much (nothing bad, don’t worry)! I guess I just wanted friends. I was always picked on in high school, I let people walk all over me, all the time. And I keep saying how that is done and I’m done being walked on, but somehow I find that I am still allowing it to happen. Even today.
When I think of my depression that I have realized that I have, it makes me feel like a horrible person. I feel like a terrible mom. I feel like a terrible wife. It hits people in different ways. Some things get me down. That’s not a bad thing that some things get you down, it all matters on how we react to it and what we do about it. We can’t give up.
You hear people say “I have let myself go.” In other words, as women, we stop doing our makeup, our hair, we stop trying to look nice. We may even stop cleaning the house – which I do still try to do, I just lack the “get ‘er done’ attitude at the moment. When you think of depression, what comes to your mind?
I am a wife and a mom and we also have three dogs. I am a full-time student in school, online. I have lacked the motivation to do anything, school-wise, in a long time. I manage to do it, but still with no motivation and it takes me a lot longer to do it. I make these goals for myself, to try to get ahead and write papers ahead of time so I won’t get behind and such. But then I lose the motivation for that, too.
My husband has been very supportive and I know it’s not easy being married to me all the time. Sometimes I disappoint him, but that does not mean to give up. That is when it really stops and gets bad – when we give up.
I know God is there all the time, and yet I still have these depressed feelings. Life is not where we would like it to be right now. We would like to have a house, but things keep hindering that from happening and we get even more down. We do not have enough space for our things, we are all crunched in where we are, but it is what we have to do right now. Maybe someday, we will get a house.
I’m not trying to be all depressed in this post, but I just want people to know that post-partum depression and just depression, in general, is real. But we can make it through it. God is Good! He knows what He is doing and we just need to trust Him.
I love our children so much! They will get on our nerves, but that doesn’t meant that we regret having them. I would do it over every time and have them again! I love our little Anna and Ollie! We are so blessed! Here is the most updated picture of all of us! and I hope you all have a great day. Thank you for visiting my blog!
Please keep us in your prayers. ❤️
Adventures Of Motherhood 